Our second child came as a surprise. I’m not gonna lie. I cried, and I was terrified. I love being a mother, and I was ready for all it required of me, the first time. I was not prepared to do it all over again. My way of coping with these feelings was to think that I had done it before so I could do it again. While this statement was correct, it didn’t adequately prepare me for what lies ahead. So here are five things I wish I would have known before baby number two.
A different child will require different mothering.
I told myself throughout my second pregnancy you have done this before you can do it again. While this was true (and I felt I was killing it on the mom game, by the way), I was unprepared for how different mothering would be the second time. Looking back it seems silly to assume that mothering an utterly different human would NOT require a different type of mothering. For me, the second child was VERY humbling. Struggling is an understatement. It took a while to realize this child would need different things from me, and that is OK.
I can love another baby, in a completely different way.
There is really no way to explain it, except that you will love them, but don’t expect it to be like your first. You will love them just as much as your first, but it will be a different space in your heart. Just like your partner or first born occupy a place in your heart, this new baby will have a spot all his/her own.
I am enough.
You are enough, for your older child, for your new baby, for your partner, for yourself. You are enough. With two you need to define what is a priority at the moment and do that. Sometimes this is food, play, or just hitting those dishes so you can set your tomorrow up for success. Give yourself grace you are precisely who these little people need as a mother. Reflection has become a necessity to decide what is and what is not working.
I will be more tired.
Two in two years is hard on the body, so be prepared and take care of yourself. Micronaps are a lifesaver. I try to nap as much as I can. I wish I would have given myself permission to nap a lot sooner. Those dishes and todo lists will still be there when you wake up from 15-20 minutes of supreme bliss.
Know what self-care practices are necessary for survival.
In my post, Postpartum Planning: A Plan for the Fourth Trimester, I shared the practice of identifying what self-care you do daily. Know what is absolutely necessary to be your best self and make it a priority. I am serious. It may look like a 15-20 minute bath that first week home or asking your partner to take bedtime with one of the kids so you can read or journal. Know what you need and create a plan for how to get that time. If that time wasn’t necessary with the first, it will be so essential with the second child.
My youngest is nine months now, and I am still figuring out what this life looks like being a mom of two. Most of all I try to be present, do my best at the moment and learn from the moments when I could have done better. While these baby days are exhausting, I try to slow down and soak them up, they go so quickly.