Dear new and expecting moms,
You’ve been on my mind, and I wanted you to know. Becoming a mother is an experience fraught with worry and uncertainty, and now we have a global pandemic. It’s not fair and I wanted you to know, “I see you.”
I’ve only been a mother for nine years, but I want to offer these words of hard-earned wisdom. I hope they bring you comfort:
Motherhood is your invitation to surrender control.
Right now life feels fragile, impermanent, and frightening. We feel worried we can’t protect our kids from harm. Guess what?
Those things have always been true.
I remember holding my newborn while watching the news coverage of Sandy Hook. I remember the panic, fear, and sadness that gripped my heart as I realized I could not protect my sweet baby from harm. It’s terrifying.
AND.
We can face our lack of control and not die. We can recognize we are responsible for our babies without having control. (Insert alllllll the curse words.) We can learn to take deep breaths. We can find trusted spaces where we offload our fears and feelings. We can trust in our own resilience and we can model resilience for our kids.
Motherhood is your invitation to stay in the moment.
The anxiety of motherhood often stems from our fear of “what ifs.”
What if I have complications during birth?
What if I can’t breastfeed?
What if my child never potty trains?
What if my child gets behind in school?
What if my child gets teased?
We feel anxious and overwhelmed by all the possibilities for harm and heartache. One of the best tips I have is to keep yourself in the present moment as much as possible. I’m not one of those veteran moms telling you to “enjoy every moment because it goes by fast!” But I am reminding you the only moment you can be certain of is the moment you are in. When you notice yourself start to spiral, ask yourself: “Am I parenting in the now?”
You are not alone.
While everyone is practicing social distance, it’s important to remember you are not alone. Find people who will bring you needed supplies and leave them on your doorstep. Do online grocery ordering. Find an online support group. Find a therapist. (For KC moms, Meeka Centimano is the postpartum expert and she’s doing virtual appointments right now.) Learn to ask for help. You are not alone.
I believe in you, new and expecting moms. You can do this!
