My husband and I have three kids. We love our growing family, but we dread the first six weeks with a newborn every time. We are so thankful for our sweet babes, but the days are still dark. During The Dark Days, there is no difference between day and night; being sleep deprived is an understatement. It’s more like an out-of-body experience – you’re so tired, you don’t even know how you’re functioning. People tell you, “oh, the first six weeks are so hard, but things should get better after that” and you want to hit them in the face and break out in tears all at the same time because surviving six full weeks of THE DARK DAYS feels impossible. And then, there is the question of what if it doesn’t get better after the first six weeks? What if you are THIS TIRED for 12 weeks, or 12 months, or 12 years?!
Our story was a little different with each of our children. The Dark Days with our first lasted a LONG time. I’m not sure how many months we went without several hours of consecutive sleep. It was awful. Worth it, YES – but awful, nonetheless. The Dark Days with my second and third babies were pretty similar and thankfully, didn’t last as long as with my first. I really think that we had easier babies the second and third time and that we were better at survival! Along the way, we learned a few tricks that helped us to survive:
1) LEAVE THE HOUSE. I understand that the thought of venturing out into the real world feels daunting! What if you forget wipes, or what if your baby screams the whole time? WHO CARES! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT! If taking baby with you feels too difficult to manage, then ask your husband or a friend to hold your baby while you go on a walk around the neighborhood or run to Sonic to get a Coke. The fresh air and time away will help you feel more like a normal person again.
2) FIND A NEW TV SERIES. The long, late evenings are so hard. You are too tired to read and too grumpy to talk … so find a good TV show to help the hours when you should be sleeping (but aren’t, for obvious reasons) go by! This past go-around, my show was Blue Bloods. AMAZING! I would curl up on the couch with my sweet baby girl, nursing her on and off for hours, and the time just flew by!
3) STOP READING SLEEP BOOKS!!! Don’t get me wrong … they can be helpful at times – the key phrase being “AT TIMES.” When your baby is so new to the world, don’t stress out about their sleep – it’s too early to have any control here, anyway. Feed them when they are hungry, sleep when they sleep (if you don’t have other kids running around), and drink lots of coffee! 😉
4) HAVE A PLAN (BUT be willing to adapt!). The idea of having a plan to survive each dark night never dawned on us with our first baby. We would find ourselves fighting in the middle of the night about whose “shift” it was and then we would both end up wasting precious time where one of us could have been sleeping! This last go-around, our plan helped a ton. I would take the night shift, and my husband would take the early morning shift. Every night, I knew that at 4 a.m. I could wake up my husband and he would be ON until the baby needed to eat again! That was so helpful! Whether I got a couple hours of sleep or no sleep at all, I knew that at 4 a.m. I could finally get some sleep. I would usually sleep for a couple hours, nurse, and then go back to sleep until my husband had to leave for work. It worked really well for us! The key is to find a plan that works for your family.
Don’t worry, mom – you will survive. Someday, you will look back and laugh about that time when you put your phone in the fridge and left the milk on the counter. You WILL sleep again … when your kid is 35 (I hope!).
Sadly this article was published now that my child is 2. I wish I would have read this two years ago when my husband and I were delirious with sleep deprivation! Great article!