One in four pregnancies end in loss.
That is one of the statistics that if I heard it before February 22, 2013 I must have not listened. I mean those kinds of things only happen to other people. Not to me. We planned for this baby. We are ready. Certainly that could never happen to us…but then it did.
And when it did, I leaned into my husband.
I delved into books, music, and every online support group I could find. I discovered so many of my friends and family had similar stories to share. So many miscarriages, stillbirths, and infant losses that I had never heard about. How had I never heard these stories? How did I not know about their children? All of their children?
That was when I promised that I would make sure that I never let people forget about our son.
I would talk about him. I would tell his story. As hard as it was when someone asked how many children we have, I would bravely answer with the truth. I would speak his name, Joshua Patrick, out loud every chance I had. His story, our story, would be told. Not just to honor his legacy, but to be able to be a voice to those who had been afraid to speak before.
Now it has been four and half years.
I have held the hand of too many friends new and old who have joined us; walking before us, beside us, and now those who join in behind us along this broken road of grief. Over these last five years we have had several friends who have also had to say goodbye to their sweet babies much too soon. Every time I hear of another mother and father who are facing this broken road I feel such grief for them, for the wound that will never heal in my own heart, and the flood of memories and emotions all seem to come crashing back in.
I have gathered a list of resources.
Both local to Kansas City and online that I have been able to share with others as they navigate the road of grief. One of the most important things I learned was I was not alone. As awful as it is to know that so many families have had to say goodbye too soon, it has also brought some of the strongest, most amazing women and men into my life. We always say it is a club that no one really wants to be a part of, but we are so grateful that we have such amazing support to surround us and hold our hands when life gets hard.
- Sam’s Pond – Each year on October 15th, Sam’s Pond hosts a remembering babies event at the JC Nichols fountain on the Country Club Plaza. It is a beautiful ceremony with luminaries lighting the fountain and a balloon release.
- Lullaby of Hope – Lullaby of Hope provides hand-packed gift boxes with handwritten notes of love and prayers for women going through infertility, stillbirth, and infant loss.
- Titan’s Light – Titan’s Light helps walk parents through the difficult decisions that must be made after a loss. They can assist with contacting funeral homes and help guide you through making final arrangements.
- You Made Me Mom – You Made Me Mom is a support group that meets monthly to walk alongside you in your grief process.
- Alexandra’s House – Alexandra’s House provides perinatal hospice. They provide support for families going through a fatal diagnose during their pregnancy as well as for families who go through an unexpected loss. They will walk you through from diagnose to saying goodbye. They provide assistance with burial costs, offer support groups, and more.
- Still Birth Day – Still Birth Day provides a website full of amazing resources including birth and bereavement doulas that will be there with you as you deliver and will help walk you through the decisions that need to be made after delivery. They are also available to be there to support you throughout what can often be an emotional rainbow (a baby born after a loss is often referred to as a rainbow – a bright light of color after a storm of grief) pregnancy and delivery. They are based in Kansas City, but offer support, training, and certification for stillbirthday doulas nationwide and internationally.
- Overland Park Regional Medical Center -Infant Loss Support Group – OPRMC offers a monthly support group that helps families after a loss.
- Infant Loss Resources – Infant Loss Resources provides family support, professional education, and community education and awareness.
- Shawnee Mission Medical Center – Perinatal Bereavement Group – SMMC offers a twice monthly support group for parents after the loss of their pregnancy or infant. They also offer individual counseling.
- Hope Ministries – Hope Ministries offers a monthly support group for parents after the loss of their pregnancy or baby.
- Birthwaves – Birthwaves provides Stillbirthday Doula Support and Postpartum Doula support.
- Solace House – Solace House offers support groups for children, individuals, and families who are going through a loss (not specifically limited to the loss of a baby or child).
- The Compassionate Friends – There are several local chapters offering support groups for individuals and families.
- Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep – There are several area photographers that work with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep to provide photo memories that you and your family can cherish of your child. They will come to the hospital and photograph your family with your child (or just your child if that is preferred).
Online Resources
- Still Standing Magazine
- Pregnancy After Loss Support
- Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope
- Carly Marie Project Heal
- The C.O.P.E. Foundation
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We invite you to add your baby’s name to our “Forever Loved” remembrance wall as a reminder that his or her life mattered and that you are supported in your grief by a community of moms who understand.
