Dear Sons,
In the three short years I have been a mom, our country has seen some tumultuous times. Tragedies like Newtown and Ferguson, the Jewish community shootings, and most recently in Charleston, have been troubling and heartbreaking to watch and reflect upon. Heated debates over marriage equality, racial injustice, income inequality, and even a woman running for President reminds us that our country still struggles to accept change and differences. It reminds us that intolerance continues to run rampant.
In watching these events unfold, I’ve caught myself imagining and rehearsing how I will one day explain the injustices of our world. I look down, as I rock you to sleep, and know that you will probably (and hopefully) never face many of the prejudices happening in our backyards. For you are middle class, white males, whose parents will (hopefully) have the means to support you through college. You will never have to worry where your next meal might come from. A bed will always be waiting for you when the day is done. Others, many others, are not as lucky.
As I worry about how many vegetables you are consuming, whether the preschool you are attending is preparing you enough for Kindergarten, or if you are watching too much TV, I know bigger, scarier issues face you in this new world of bullying, polarizing opinions, and disregard for human life and compassion. These are almost too overwhelming and frightening to comprehend, and I struggle how to teach you what NOT to become.
But nights of reading and researching have actually led me in a more purposeful direction.
Here is my wish for you… actually, no, my command. Be KIND. And you better do what your mom says!
Kindness and empathy are more powerful than the hate. It weakens the bullies, and it overshadows the ignorance and intolerance. We have witnessed this recently as the families of the victims in Charleston chose to forgive the shooter, thus taking away his power. They showed him the hate would not live on in them despite his heinous act.
What I hope for you to realize is putting yourself in another’s shoes is a powerful tool and life lesson. Know that different is not wrong. Lending a hand shows compassion, and standing up for what is right truly embodies strength. It is why I ask you…no, demand of you, Be EMPATHETIC. Listen to your mom!
Respecting women, their bodies, and their rights is what proves your masculinity. You are a son, a cousin, a grandson to women. Be a feminist and acknowledge that you share equal responsibility in marriage, raising children, and working alongside each other. In all instances, GIVE RESPECT. Again, you better do what your mom says!
You will encounter meanness. You will deal with heartbreak. Someone will hurt you, I guarantee. You will be judged on how macho you are. You will be judged in school, in the workplace, as a parent, and in today’s world you will be judged harshly by someone you barely know on the Internet. Your worth will be scrutinized. As you experience life, ignorance will be witnessed and perhaps even directed toward you.
In those instances, I encourage you, no I command you, to STAND UP. And your mom will always be right behind you!
I can only hope the kindness, compassion, and empathy you already portray, are traits in which you will embody all of your days. I promise to remind you the importance of these qualities as long as I am around. I will nag you to experience other cultures, religions, food, and opinions. A rich, diverse existence will bring about a life that is full of meaning.
Always remember that every person deserves respect no matter his or her job title, status, race, age, gender, or sexual preference. I will correct you when you veer off path. We all mess up and make mistakes. It is how we reflect upon those moments and choose to make it right that will prove your manhood.
And I need you to promise that if you see someone struggling, you lend them your hand. Embrace those that look and act different from you, and accept them because of those dissimilarities. And lastly, promise me that you will be proud of your differences, because that is what makes you… you. Live your truth. Being different is good. It’s the spice of life. Trust your mom on this.
“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” ~ Henry David Thoreau
Love,
Mom
