The day my daughter was born was one of the most life changing days of my life, and I didn’t even know it at the time but my heart was about to be completely and utterly wrecked. WRECKED, ya’ll.
Up until that point I had been happy as a boy mom. I kept telling myself how I would have been totally fine being a boy mom forever. And I would have. But I had no idea how much my heart needed a girl.
To be honest, the first few months were hard with her because we were adjusting to the new normal as a family of five, I was recovering from a c-section and battling postpartum depression (that I was in denial over and is a topic I will save for another post). Hello hormones! But I adored dressing her up and putting bows on her and reveled in being a “girl mom.”
My daughter is now 16 months old, I’m well past fully recovered from the c-section, I saw my doctor for the medication I needed to help me for the postpartum depression and I’m still wrecked. Don’t get me wrong, I am HAPPY, but I am wrecked.
Let me tell you why: she’s my girl. Like…MY girl. And she loves her mama. We have this indescribable bond as a mother and daughter that I literally had zero awareness of until I met her. I have this little lady who is going to look to me to learn all of these unspoken rules about being a girl/woman/female. She climbs up into my lap and just sits with me, just wants to be close to me. I want to protect her always. I want to fill her up with confidence and knowledge and compassion.
And to top it all off, she’s her daddy’s world. He is so in love with her. They have an incredible and indescribable bond, and he would go to the ends of the Earth for her.
So I’m going to get real raw here for a minute. I’m going to fill you in on a little teeny tiny painful little piece of this whole “girl mom” gig.
I didn’t have a great bond with my dad. My parents divorced when I was young and he battled a very horrible alcohol addiction. I saw the fathers that my friends had who were so present in their lives. They were supportive, loving, and protective and I longed for that in my relationship with my dad. And now, my daughter has THAT. Something I never had and always wanted. And it fills my soul with joy and wrecks me at the same time.
She has filled our home with so much love and joy. She wrecked me, but she’s putting me back together again and is filling in all the cracks and gaps with her sweet little giggles and snuggly hugs. Our girl was the missing puzzle piece of our family.
