I read a LOT of articles about parenting, and babies, and what to do, and what not to do. I mean, I’m a 30-year-old mom. I’m kind of their target audience. I read articles about co-sleeping (we don’t do it), and so-called natural birth (ha), and breastfeeding (I do it six million times a day) and so on and so forth.
These articles will tell you what’s best for your baby. Over and over again, they promise your child will be admitted to Harvard in utero if you just do what they tell you. Breastfeed your baby, and he’ll be smarter! Co-sleep with your baby so he doesn’t lay terrified and alone in his crib! Have a c-section, fine, but man, good luck to that baby. And what mother doesn’t want the best for her baby?
The more I read, the more I wonder: does anyone care about ME?
Where does the well-being of the mother come into play? I’d like to, just once, read an article that acknowledges that sometimes, doing all these magical things for your baby can cause real trauma for moms, whether it be physical or emotional or both. At what point does the child’s well-being trump the mom’s? Are we supposed to sublimate every single one of our needs in favor of our child’s?
Look at the moms who slave over breast pumps, alone and feeling isolated, with cracked, bleeding nipples just to give their child a few ounces of breast milk. Look at the moms who catch themselves falling asleep at the wheel because she’s afraid that sleep training her child will emotionally stunt him or her. Look at the moms falling deeper into postpartum depression because Zoloft isn’t a vegan, organic essential oil. Look at the 42 week pregnant mom who aches all over but is terrified of being judged for choosing an induction.
What about them?
These moms exist. I know them. Sometimes I AM them. When you have a child, sure, their needs may trump your own sometimes. I can’t, however, go along with the idea that they should win every time. I have to take care of myself to take care of my child, plain and simple.
And hey, you know what’s REALLY best for baby? Having a happy mom. Why isn’t that enough?
