Why You Can’t Judge a Mom by her Instagram Feed

why you can't judge a mom by her instagram feed

Let me begin by saying I love Instagram. It’s an easy way for me to keep up with friends (plus a Kardashian or two) and see some of the exciting things going on in their lives. I’m not going to lie though, there have been times that I’ve scrolled through a friend’s profile and felt the piercing sting of comparison in my gut.

She always looks so cute. How does she find time to do her hair every day?

She’s such a good mom. They’re always doing fun activities and going to cool places.

Her house is immaculate. I can’t remember the last time I vacuumed. (Um, where is our vacuum?) 

Look at how well her kids get along. Meanwhile mine are fighting over a dog toy.

But then I begin to wonder, could there be people out there thinking the same things about my pictures? After all, if I post a picture of myself on Instagram you can bet I’ll be showered and looking nice (even if that’s not the norm). That Pinterest-worthy kids craft my daughter was constructing? Three words: Target dollar spot. And yes, I did change the angle of that picture so that the cleanest corner of my house was in view. I may have even added a blur effect to cover up some pop tart crumbs on the floor.

And my kids. They love each other, they really do…but it might take 30 pictures for that love to really shine through. Or maybe that headlock looked just enough like a hug to seem sweet. So I slap a filter on that baby and out to the Insta-world it goes… without anyone else ever knowing the real story behind it.

Instagram outakes
We’ve all heard the saying, “you can’t judge a book by its cover.” Well I’d like to argue that you also can’t judge a mom by her Instagram feed. A friend of mine recently shared the idea that social media is like a greatest hits collection — made up of the very best moments that we choose to share with our friends and family (and maybe even complete strangers).

I’m by no means trying to create a flawless facade — it’s just that I, like many others, prefer to share the good times over the bad. Instagram is my modern-day scrapbook and baby book all rolled up into one, and that’s why I tend to post the best of our everyday life. Although there are a few not-so-good moments like this one that will still make the cut because of their comedic perfection. (I mean, it’s not every day that an angry toddler in tanning goggles holds you hostage in your own kitchen.)

toddler instagram drama

So to my fellow Instagram moms: just remember that a collection of tiny squares does not define a person. Social media is only a piece of the puzzle, and often times the prettiest, shiniest piece. We can choose to compare ourselves, or we can take social media for what it’s worth and simply give that picture a double tap.

Here’s to encouraging one another, resisting comparison and sharing however we see fit.

Vanessa lives in Lenexa with her husband of 6 years, Chris, and their two sweet kiddos--Arden, 3, and Nash, 9 months. After 4 fun years in Houston, she is now enjoying being back in KC and getting to know her hometown all over again...this time as a mom. She loves old things, country music, cookie dough ice cream, and French bulldogs--especially the crazy one named Hazel that lives in her house. When she's not doing puzzles, pushing swings, or carrying a chubby baby on her hip, you can find her watching Fixer Upper reruns and trying to channel her inner Joanna Gaines. She thinks being a mom is by far the best job she's ever had--and not just because it allows her to drink extra caffeine and avoid pants with any kind of buttons. You can read more over at Vanessa's blog, Sunflower State of Mind


  1. There are many Insta-moms that I look through their photos and wonder how their life looks so perfect? I know we all like to share the good things in life so that makes me believe they have their moments too…where my kids are slamming doors to keep each other out of their rooms, pinching fingers in the process or pushing each other over just for no reason and fighting that 8 pm bedtime when you know they are just overly tired…I hope my life doesn’t look perfect because it for sure is NOT. LOL You can bet my chatbooks are full of all the good memories with a few of the bad ones thrown in too, because you’re right, those can be pretty funny!!!!

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