My children can be stubborn, opinionated, I-must-be-right-all-the-time little people… kind of like their mother. Last winter I noticed something though; my older three (triplet boys, age 8 at the time) thrived on being bossed around in more official ways!
Sadly, me asking them to put their dirty laundry in the basket was not official enough. What I did notice was if we were volunteering somewhere or they were at school or church around other in-charge adults, they thrived on being told what to do, and then would proudly execute it!
I began to watch this and came to a conclusion – they loved being treated like little adults! Enter, the Family Expectations Agreement!
Yes. I drafted a contract for my boys to initial, sign and date. They ate it up! Well, most of it. One did try to write “NO!” next to something instead of initials, but I told him that made the whole thing void, including the part where we were pushing their bedtime to a later time, so he quickly changed his tune.
So what kinds of things did we cover?
Responsibilities
- Bed time – we pushed it back a bit, so that they had a later time than their little sister, but also emphasized they needed to be timely about getting to bed.
- Homework – we warned them that beginning two months from the signing date, I would no longer be reminding them to do their homework each day.
- Remembering things – coats, books, uniforms for sports, etc, it was all on them now to remember those things!
Helping Around the House
“As a member of this family, it is my job to help around the house.”
- Paid jobs – we required that they choose at least two jobs from the chore board per week.
- Unpaid jobs – we introduced rotating jobs of: being in charge of the dog (poop, too!), helping with meal prep and clean up and getting their laundry started.
Screen Time Rules
We made a huge change here in how often they’d be allowed to use screens, both for fun and for homework – shocker here, this is the part one of my guys tried to cross out.
Disrespectful Behavior
We felt like we’d been talking about being “disrespectful” until we were blue in the face, but they weren’t getting it. So we laid out exactly what we meant by ‘disrespectful’.
The whole thing rounded out with this affirming statement….
“I will do my very best to follow this agreement. I know I will mess up sometimes, and Mom and Dad know that, too. I need to learn to be responsible for my choices and actions and sometimes that will mean a consequence.
Mom and Dad also promise to try to yell less and spend more time talking in a quiet voice. I love my family and want us all to be the best we can be!”
So there you have it. Almost a year ago, we had our 8 year olds sign contracts. Extreme? Yeah, without fully understanding it I suspect people would think so. To kids who thrive on being told “officially” what to do though, it was perfection!
Sounds perfect to me!