To My First Born Headed to Kindergarten

Hey bubs,

Well you’re headed off to kindergarten soon. And so it begins. The back to school hustle and bustle. I have got no idea what I’m doing, sending you off to school. I mean, real, true life school. Where you’re there eight hours a day and spend more time with your teacher than with us for several days out of the year. I can’t believe it’s time already.

Do you remember the quiet moments we spent skin to skin late into the night just after you came into this world? I know you don’t, but how could I forget? I had just spent 10 hours in excruciating pain, terrified because I had no idea what I was doing or what was happening to my body…yet, I was doing it. And then just like that, you were here and we were together. More now than ever before, I had no idea what I was doing…. yet I was doing it. I was terrified, running on adrenaline, exhausted, and joy rushed through my veins. You made me a mama.

With each new phase and milestone, your dad and I have experienced a little rush of fear once again. Are we doing it right? And with each new milestone, we  have experienced the immense joy that has come with it.

And now, just like that….you’re headed to kindergarten. I blinked and it happened. They said it would.

They didn’t lie. 

If we’re being honest here… I’m terrified. Deep down I know that once this year begins it will all slip so much more quickly through my fingers. Before I know it, you will be headed off to middle school, and then high school, and then college.

I’ll be doing a lot of praying in the coming year.

I pray you have an incredible teacher. One who will love you and accept you for the sweet, kind, sensitive little soul that you are. One that will inspire you and excite you and encourage you. A teacher who will challenge you, and give you hugs when you need them (because I know how you love hugs and I know that you’re the best at them too). I pray that you have a class full of little people who become some of your best friends, so you’ll love going to see them every day.

I pray you will be safe. That the people who are around you will do everything they can to keep you safe. I wish it wasn’t something I had to think about, but it is. This world has changed so much from when I was in school and now I have to worry about that. So I pray for you to be safe, because when you’re not with me, that’s all I can do.

I pray for you to be kind. My prayer is that you come to learn that math and reading are pretty important, but they’re not as important as being kind. Sure, I want you to learn how to read and write words, and add and subtract numbers, but I mostly want you to learn that sometimes your friends will need you to sit with them at recess when they’re sad, that being first isn’t what makes you cool, and that you don’t need to change yourself to be liked by your peers. Just be you, and always remember to be kind. A little bit of kindness can change someone’s day, and that a lot more kindness can change the world.

Five years later, and I still feel like I have no idea what I am doing. We’re entering unchartered waters together yet again… but oh, the joy I have for you is so great!

Xoxo,

Mom