Grieving the Baby Years

We’ve entered tweendom, and it’s been much more hard than I expected. Much more hard on me than it is on you.

And it’s only going to get harder.

I accept it, I’m ready for it and I will hold you, my baby boy, close and tight for as long as you will let me.

You were my original momma’s boy for six years before your brother came along. I fought hard for you. For months, I prayed for you. I wished, hoped and prayed that the test would positive. 

After 9 months of morning sickness and exhaustion, you came into this world a healthy and perfect baby boy. From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I felt like I knew you and that you were made specifically for me.

We were inseparable and them came tweendom.

Good morning kisses and cuddles have been replaced with grunts and fist bumps.

Hand holding is a no no. You’re afraid your friends will see us.

Kisses and hugs at schools drop off and pick up are non existent.

You spend more time in the bathroom than I do! Making sure every hair is in place and that you have the perfect amount of cologne on.

My opinion is meaningless and you think that I am wrong a majority of the time.

You are not my baby boy anymore. You’re a young man growing into his own identity.

I’m sad you don’t hang on my every word but happy that you’re  finding your voice.

I’m sad those hugs and kisses are far and few between but when they happen, I savor every moment.

I hope and pray that I’ve given you all you need to make good decisions and choices. It keeps me up at night knowing you will be out in this world one day all by yourself.

I miss my sweet, innocent, momma’s boy but I’m excited more and more to learn more about the man you are becoming.

Jessica Salazar Collins
Jessica Salazar Collins is a momma of two boys, 11-year-old Joshua Arturo and 5-year-old Trinidad Ramon. Jessica was born and raised in Kansas City, Mo., (she lived in Westport before it was cool) and is the only KU Jayhawk graduate in a family of Mizzou Tigers. She loves all things Frida Kahlo, chocolate and superhero related (boy mom necessity). In her spare time, Jessica likes to search the web for all things about Tangancícuaro, Michoacán (the mother land), low carb recipes and tips on understanding Marvel comics. Jessica is a third generation Latina trying to keep alive her Mexican traditions with her sons.


  1. I love your story Jessica. Momma’s baby boy or daddy’s baby girl. We live for the moments when your baby places their hand around your finger. Their first steps and toddler years and you’re still the greatest in their eyes. The tweens come and go, but you and Josh have laid the ground work. Just keep parenting, keep loving, keep teaching. They may stray, but they’ll be back to grab hold of your hand and tell you they love you, in public!

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