When I could no longer take the pain and the blood, I knew it was time. Time to let go of my purpose as a woman, time to let go of the possibility of another baby and time to get over the thought of never again feeling life move inside of me. At 34, I needed a hysterectomy.
When I first got my period as a young and naive youth, I thought what I was going through was totally normal and that I just had to get used to what happened to me every month. I thought everyone had to use both a diaper-sized pad AND a jumbo tampon that they changed every 2 hours. I assumed that every young girl dealt with pain so breathtakingly intense she could go through a 30-count bottle of Excedrin in 5 days. Isn’t that normal?!
Apparently not! As I grew up it became more of a monthly annoyance. Waking up covered in blood, pain so intense I would take days off work, kicking my husband to the other side of the bed because who wants to spoon a whale in a diaper? Just awful. I still want to punch the girl who once complained about her 2-day period. So unfair!
After children, the effects only intensified. It was just debilitating. After spending years with my doctor trying to regulate the bleeding, pain, cysts and polyps with things like diet, birth control and smaller less invasive procedures (that all failed, by the way) she decided it was time for the big H. At first, I was pumped! This was the answer to prayer, a time to finally find out what life would be like without having that awful burden every month.
Then it hit me. I would never ever again feel the little kicks of a human inside of me. I would never be able to feel someone get the afternoon hiccups and shake my whole belly. There wouldn’t be any more cravings or excuses to wear maternity stretch pants. I became increasingly more distressed that my purpose as a woman was over. Now, to be totally fair, my husband has had a vasectomy for 5 years…it’s not like we were going to have another baby. But that could be reversed, a hysterectomy seemed so final!
It’s been a little over 8 weeks now since my surgery, and it’s been MAGICAL! My health is so much better. Being laid up for several weeks made me realize that my so called purpose as a woman was not over, not by a long shot. My purpose and yours is not merely to mindlessly birth children, but to be a solid foundation and nurturing mother to those children. To love them, teach them and help them grow into loving productive members of society.
My purpose has been renewed (and my lady parts, too!)
Yes. I joined club H last year, due to genetic testing showing me at high risk for cancers, and I really battled with letting go. In the end, it was the logical thing to do, but marked an indelible end to that journey.