Encanto has been a popular topic of conversation around our house lately. Most of us have seen the movie multiple times. We watch Encanto YouTube videos (my son loves the Disney Music VEVO version of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” sung in 21 different languages), and we listen to the soundtrack on the way to school.
The other night at dinner, we tried to decide who each person in our family would be if we were Encanto characters. Some were obvious choices, others more complicated. This isn’t the first time we’ve had conversations like this; I love talking about our personality traits together. I think it’s helping our blended family get to know each other’s strengths and struggles better.
After we’d identified each child’s character, it was my turn. I hesitated, not wanting to admit who I relate to. Unfortunately, it’s not the mom who can heal with her cooking. And surprisingly, it’s not Luisa, the strong one who internet users widely agree represents high functioning anxiety (which I absolutely have, and I think many mamas out there can empathize with). Nope. Instead, in this crazy pandemic world we’ve been living in, I’m reminded often that I relate to Pepa. To the one who controls the weather with her emotions and always seems stressed out. And guess what? That stresses me out. Oh, sweet irony.
Although I also have green eyes and a bit of red in my hair, it’s not Pepa’s physical appearance that I relate to most. And although we both tend to get hangry – anyone notice her storm cloud go away when she eats her snack on the street? – that’s not it either.
The reason Pepa stands out to me is because of her emotional responses to stress. When a situation or problem overwhelms me, it tends to snowball (an unintentional, but fitting, weather reference), and suddenly, I’m overwhelmed by everything. Stress just sort of “floods my brain,” as Pepa describes it. We refer to it as spiraling: Where one problem leads to another, which leads to another, and then another. And even though I know it’s happening, I can’t seem to stop myself from going down that path. Neither can Pepa: “Great. Now I’m thundering, and a thunder will lead to a drizzle, and a drizzle will lead to a sprinkle…” I think Pepa and I tend to be just as overwhelmed by our own emotional responses in these spiraling moments as we are by the initial problems that caused them.
We’ve also both got a dose of perfectionism mixed in. We see a glimpse of it in Pepa when the family is preparing for Antonio to receive his gift: “My baby’s night has to be perfect, and it’s not perfect and people are going to be coming!” But stress and anxiety aside, Pepa and I are also both moms who feel all the feels watching their babies grow up. As she leans over Antonio on his big night, she lovingly gushes, “you’re all grown up!” with a little raincloud of emotion over her head. Her husband, Felix, leans over and swooshes her cloud away, tenderly whispering, “Pepa, amore.”
If you haven’t paid much attention to Felix, watch him next time. It’ll tug at your heartstrings. That man KNOWS his wife. He knows her triggers, her stressors, and how hard she’s trying to manage them all. He comforts her every time she needs him, always with love and patience. He defends her when she’s having a moment. He predicts her responses. He looks for the positive when she’s enveloped in the negative. Even his gentle reminders to be mindful of her emotions are delivered with care. And he celebrates and dances with her when she learns to accept her emotions. I know in my own life, I’m incredibly grateful for my Felix, who is by my side through both storm clouds and clear skies.
So, where are my other Pepas? And if you’re not a Pepa, who are you?
