You survived the newborn stage and teething, and now you have to decide how to discipline, then what schools they will attend. It should be called decision making instead of parenting. This all can seem overwhelming at times. Living downtown we are always asking friends about schools, and which ones are best. We have discovered the correct answer depends on the child and what the parents find important.
As parents we want to give our children the best life, but are we still allowing them to experience life? While listening to child psychologist Dr. Wendy Mogel on Dax Shepard’s podcast, Armchair Expert, I thought about this question.
Dr. Mogel said that we are living in a time when there are many things out of our control such as global warming and the political climate, so as parents we have become obsessed with our children. Making sure they eat only organic, go to the best school, have the best teacher, and make lots of friends. But just the friends who will be a good influence on them.
We are scheduling their day so full that we are causing our children to miss out on their childhood and all the life skills they would naturally learn during this time. She went on to suggest, as parents, we are consumed with creating the best life and opportunities for our children, shielding them from any hardship or struggle. When they leave for college, they experience rejection, hardship, loss, and conflict without any coping skills. “The crabby, unenlightened, unenthusiastic fourth-grade teacher will prepare them for the crabby, unenlightened, unenthusiastic boss they are bound to have one day,” Dr. Mogel shared. There are many successful people whose parents were too busy with their life to obsess over every little detail in their children’s lives.
So how can we better prepare our children to be successful in life? Dr. Mogel advised that we allow our children to develop a sense of family citizenship and global citizenship. A few things she recommended; have chores, stay curious about their interests, and allow them to stumble and fall. I love that she mentions staying curious. Even as my boys grow up, I find what I thought was important, like attending the best school, is quite relative even for each child. Children are naturally little scientists, and they each have a specific area that they will be more gifted, it just may not be in the area we would hope. Our job as parents is to recognize our children’s passions and talents and give them the tools to develop them.
So take a deep breath in momma and let it out. Our children will be just fine. Put off that to-do list a little longer and get down in the dirt with your kids. Let them get dirty. For it is in those moments when we just let them go they will find their genius. Decide your core family values and write them out for your family. This manifesto will look a little different for everyone. A dear friend of mine inspired me the other day while we were talking. She said that while parenting can be scary, it is also exciting to know that we are shaping our children to be citizens of the world who will have something to offer to make this world a better place. Isn’t that what we all want for our children? For them to find joy in their every day, not only for themselves but for the world around them.
