It’s Not Whether You Win or Lose… Or Is It?

I was born and raised in Johnson County. Growing up, my weekends were filled with recreation soccer games in the fall, my brother’s basketball games in the winter, and softball and baseball in the summer. You could set your seasonal clock by these sports. I started playing soccer and softball in kindergarten and continued happily until 6th grade. We were treated with orange halves at halftime, and (gasp!) a can of soda at the end of the game.

Now, full disclosure…I wasn’t great at either sport. But it really didn’t bother me. I was getting exercise and having fun with my friends. Our team stayed together year after year, because, well, that’s how it worked back then. And once we hit middle school, our team disbanded. No hard feelings. We just moved on to something new – new friends, new schools, new sports. This was my experience with elementary school sports, and I knew I wanted the same thing for my kids someday.

Fast forward many years to my son’s first recreational soccer experience. I was SO excited for him to find a team that he would play on for years to come! The game was like herding cats – exactly like I’d expected. But there were a few kids who had definitely played the game before. And I don’t mean kick-the-ball-in-the-backyard kind of play. I mean they’ve played on an organized team before. And they were only five years old. Well, my son’s soccer career was short-lived because, frankly, he didn’t enjoy it. Not to worry, because recreational basketball was just around the corner! And just like soccer, there was some element of herding, and the refs were heavily involved, pointing the kids in the right direction, explaining the rules, etc. And just like soccer, there were a few kids who had definitely played before. I mean, they could dribble and run at the same time! And they were only five years old.

Will stayed with basketball for two years because he truly had a wonderful coach who could spot the talent in each kid and he cheered them on like they were his own. We were grateful to him for giving our son confidence when we heard other parents complain about Will’s lack of athleticism. And he was only seven years old. And our hearts were broken.

The talk of “playing up a level” began in second grade, and this is when we knew that the recreational sports of today were quite different than my experiences as a kid. We transferred schools (for reasons not sport-related), so it was a natural exit to this basketball team that was advancing past Will’s skill level. And we wanted to join a team (even revisiting soccer) at his new school, but they were full or going competitive. When did this become a thing???  S0 we shifted our focus to tae kwon do and golf – more individualized sports.

Will is now in 4th grade and the other day, he asked me if he could play competitive soccer. He’d started playing soccer at recess, decided he liked it, and wanted to play with his friends who are on competitive teams. Well, buddy, it just doesn’t work like that. But are there even rec teams that will take him as he is – a boy who hasn’t played organized soccer in three years but just wants to have fun and learn more about the game?

Our daughter wanted to get into dance and tumbling. We have found a fabulous dance studio that gives us the flexibility to participate in rec classes or competitive classes. Emma decided she wanted to do competitive tumbling this year, which amounts to class once a week, three local meets and one leotard. Score! But there also are other dance studios or gymnasiums that have stricter requirements, such as multiple classes each week, multiple out-of-town competitions, and multiple outfits per competition. This was not what we were looking for in a dance studio, and we are thrilled with where we landed.

The very definition of “recreational” implies one is doing something for enjoyment when not working. But I worry that even today’s rec teams and activities can elevate the level of competition with extra practices or workouts.  Or the team splits up based on ability, and if you can’t keep up…well…your career may be short-lived.

There seems to be this pressure for kids to choose a sport or activity early and specialize in it, which includes year-round games on competitive teams, private lessons, multiple weekly practices, and potential travel. And this takes money. A lot of money. And this unintentionally separates the haves from the have-nots. But if this is your child’s dream and they possess that talent, you buckle up and find a way to make it happen. And I absolutely respect that. But for those kids who just want to play for fun, I fear the opportunities for them are few and far between. I’m heartbroken that some kids just don’t find their team. And I wonder if we’re depriving kids of what it means to be part of a team – working together and cheering each other on, respecting those who aren’t as skilled and learning from those who are.

Like my parents, I want my kids in sports so that they can spend time with friends, get some exercise and learn a new skill. But with an emphasis on specialization, perfection, and being the best, is it possible for kids to just play to play? Is that still possible???