What a Mom Needs at the End of the Day

As a mom of two small children, when I say I need a break it doesn’t mean I need a five-night stay at the JW Marriott or a blue ribbon accolade for the endless emotional, mental and physical work I put in day after day and night after night. I am not trying to slack on my responsibilities or infer my kids are annoyances. Instead, I am simply grasping for a few moments to myself, where I can take a deep breath again.

Most of the moments of my life are meant for someone else, and although that is a lovely gift I have been given it is also at times overwhelming. My love and energy is solely focused on two tiny humans, and at the end of day, once the last eyelids have finally closed for the night (please, PLEASE, let that be true), is when I can recharge.

The problem? Moms don’t really get a break. What SHOULD I be doing? Catching up on emails and work that is piling up. Grocery shopping. Making cupcakes for the school Valentine party. Vacuuming up the crumbs from a messy toddler. Finishing the day old dishes lining the sink. Maybe use the gym membership card that has been collecting dust in the junk drawer. Those are all things I NEED to do. These are not things I WANT to do.

After cleaning up this mess three times in one day, I deserve an entire box of Girl Scout cookies!

By the end of day, I’ve been poked, elbowed, prodded, whined to, screamed at and cuddled. I have wiped butts, made beds, cleaned dishes, picked up toys, been body slammed more times than I can count, carried a 35 pound child on my hip while making dinner, folded laundry, helped with homework, shuttled little basketball players to practice and been splashed with an extraordinary amount of (probably pee-filled) bath water. There might have even been a chokehold or two squeezed in while we were playing American Ninja Warrior, all before 7 p.m. So no, I don’t want to continue my chores at 8 p.m. after their restless bodies have finally stopped moving for the day.

Cue Christina Aguilera because here’s the real life, down and dirty list of what a mom wants, what a mom needs, what will make her happy and set her free. 

First and foremost, we want to quickly dress in our most comfortable, stretched out, hole ridden college t-shirt and pajama pants. Bonus points if they have yesterday’s breakfast still on them. There’s nothing cute about the most crucial process of our unwinding time. If it is cute, it’s probably not comfortable. There needs to be no restrictions nor the need to suck in our tummy.

Next, and almost as important, we will head to the hidden candy stash, on top of the kitchen cabinet, out of sight from tiny vultures. There’s absolutely NO way we will be sharing one single, solitary bite. Husbands, you have been warned. In fact, act as if this hidden stash doesn’t even exist if you know what is good for you. We want to eat our glorious treat in silence, without judgment. It might happen to be an entire box of Girl Scout cookies or maybe a king-sized box of Hot Tamales. Either way, keep your judgy eyes and hands to yourself. We have been proud examples of healthy eating to our children all day, showing them yes, brussels sprouts can be tasty. Now it’s finally time to have the good stuff. 

Once the clothes are on, and the food is in hand, we want to watch bad TV. And most likely the worst kind, reality shows. The show needs to be entertaining, yet only require 10% mental participation. Bravo network fits the bill perfectly, more specifically The Real Housewives franchise. We need to be able put items in our online shopping cart which will never be purchased or peruse Facebook for an hour without any recollection of what was actually seen, all while mindlessly listening to the banter of women fighting at yet another dinner party. We need to fall asleep amongst our crumbs, with the sound of Andy Cohen in the background recapping what Tamara did to Vicki. It’s not a time to ponder world peace or research how best of invest our money. Our minds our mush. Let us have our bad TV. 

Lastly, we need to feel as if we have reclaimed our own bodies and minds. We need time to spread out, enjoy a few moments of solitude where no one is asking anything of us, eat our treat in peace and feel human again. 

Working or stay-at-home, the universal love language of moms seems to be the same after a long day of adulting, ALONE TIME! It may sound a bit dramatic and sad but it’s quite the opposite. We are giving all of ourselves to other people. It’s the most profound gift we can give to our children, a loving mother. And if at the end of the day we simply need a few minutes or hours to not be touched, talked to or be held responsible for someone else’s life so we can recharge and do it all again tomorrow then we must give ourselves the grace to do so.

Now if you will excuse me, I’ve got a whole sleeve of Oreo’s to consume, a glass of wine to drink and a new season of The Bachelor on DVR.

Kristin Ruthstrom
Kristin is a Lee’s Summit suburb transplant, after living in the Brookside and Plaza areas for over eight years. Raising three young boys with her husband, Jake, has helped her to embrace the messy, wild side of life where love is expressed in bear hugs and body slams. Professionally, she can be found teaching classes as an adjunct professor in the areas of Business, Marketing and PR. She is able to provide her students with applicable, real-life knowledge as she draws from several years working in the corporate sector. “Free time” (ha!, what's that again?) is spent on an occasional date night to favorite local restaurants, reading blogs on everything from home design to politics, riding her sweet beach cruiser bike and thinking of ways to convince her husband to do yet another home improvement project.