“With great power comes great responsibility.” Voltaire said it first, and then so did Peter Parker’s uncle. Lately, that’s been my mantra for being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). It’s true, right? Don’t downplay it; being the one who is home with your child(ren) everyday is a huge capability that gives you direct influence in shaping who they are and whom they become.
We know the pros of being able to stay home with our kids, but what about the cons? I’m realizing there is a price I pay for being a SAHM. The “great responsibility” often looks like being the bad cop (just call me Mommy 5-0). You write tickets and hand out fines (aka discipline), break up noise violations (party pooper), and are the law enforcement when it comes to household rules. It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.
When we are the ones spending the majority of our days with the children, you see them in all their 8-hour glory: good, bad, ugly. Through the bad and ugly parts, I often feel like a broken record who is constantly correcting, redirecting, and teaching. While the days can be physically exhausting, what I feel most is mentally drained and completely talked out. My toddler is all about questioning everything right now, and well on his way to being debate team captain, a politician, or lawyer. Being a SAHM means being the first eyewitness at the scene of many accomplishments, potty successes, big boy/girl moments, and firsts. But it also means being the one your kid tests on a daily basis, so you’re bound to have friction.
The reality is, all parents are comprised of individuals who play good cop or bad cop, one who says “no” more and one who says “yes” more. Because I am the stay-at-home parent, the role of bad cop comes with the territory. Being the bad cop, I’m strict on bed/nap times, balanced diets, picking up around the house, not being too rowdy, and practicing educational lessons. Mommy wants them to be law-abiding citizens. Being the good cop, Daddy comes home and rough-houses, gives treats, is more prone to allowing screen time, tickles endlessly, reads their bedtime story, and tucks them in. Daddy wants them to be fun-having citizens. (Note: My husband is awesome and hardworking. For the purpose of driving my point home, this is a very simplified version of his interactions with our kids. He does a lot and he says no… on occasion.)
All that being said, I’m surprisingly OK with being bad cop. In fact, I embrace it. Sometimes, Daddy gets played by very convincing and slightly manipulative tiny humans, but you can’t pull one over on Mommy 5-0! Being bad cop means you know their routine more than anyone else. You know they need their afternoon nap so they aren’t totally cray cray by dinnertime. Besides, when the kids get off schedule, who is left to deal with the consequences? Spoiler: not good cop. Sometimes I have to put my foot down on limiting screen time or cutting off free play for the sake of making life easier for myself in the long run. But the main reason to be OK with being bad cop? The kids may push limits and challenge boundaries, but at the end of the day, you know they respect your authority. As I reason with my son and explain the “why” behind the “no,” he understands. I’ve caught enough glimpses to see he believes I truly want the best for him. For me, that makes it all worth it. I take my role seriously when it comes to teaching them these valuable life lessons, even when it’s hard.
Voltaire and Peter Parker’s uncle were on to something. But not all superheroes wear capes (er, Spandex onesies). Some superheroes wear leggings, spit-up covered tees, and dry shampoo. For some superheroes like all the Mommy 5-0s, “great responsibility” often means having to say ‘no’ more than your partner, even if it makes you seem less fun.
Mommy 5-0: She’s often pushed to the edge while trying to instill values, discipline, respect and structure. She doesn’t always have the popular opinion, but she still saves the day.
