A couple of years ago when my daughter was two and a half, I decided it was time to find me again.
Prior to becoming a mother I had been active in my community, attended committee meetings and volunteered with groups that were important to me, and I had loved that. After becoming a full-time, working parent though, many of those things took a backseat to my desire to spend as much of my time with my daughter and husband. As a new mom, I was so afraid of missing out on too much of my young child’s life and buried myself under way too much guilt about using any of my free time for myself and not for our family.
As she grew older though, I realized that there were benefits not only for myself but for my daughter and my husband as well to me being involved in ways that fulfilled me outside of home and work. And so I set out to find even more balance in my life by adding back in those pursuits that energized my soul and got me out of mommy mode when I sorely needed it. The benefits I found my expanding my world beyond mommy wars and work far exceeded my expectations. Additionally, I made new friends in the community we had just moved to and found my confidence in my ideals, thoughts and ability to function separately from my mom self. Plus I feel like my daughter is learning that being a mom and a “worker” isn’t all there is to my life. She has made kid friends through my new network of friends and sees the value of volunteering, giving back and being passionate about your community and your world. I have learned some invaluable lessons on the best (and worst!) ways to get involved.
The hardest lesson for me to learn, and the one I’m still struggling with, is time. There just isn’t enough of it. Trying to fit meetings in after work, phone calls on lunch hours and events on weekends is exhausting. And just because you’re getting involved doesn’t mean you have to jump in with both feet, because that’s a good way to start sinking fast. Decide how much time you can expend right now, knowing that the number is fluid. It can change as your child(ren) get older and are less dependent, or as your work situation or home situation changes, or as your interests and needs change.
When you’re ready to jump out there into the world of volunteering, committee groups and shamelessly asking people for money to support your causes don’t be like me and say yes to everything and everyone all at once. What seems manageable on paper or over the phone can quickly become a system of complicated calendaring and constantly explaining to your family why you have to be away yet again after a long day at work.
Start out with what you know and love. Whether it’s a group you’ve been a part of for years where you’re looking for more responsibility or a cause that is important to you where you’re starting from scratch, make sure that you are not spreading yourself too thin. I can tell you from personal experience that it is, in fact, not possible to work full time, commute an hour and a half a day, serve on two committees, be a charter member of several groups, volunteer to campaign for a candidate or two, attend weekend events and actually get any sleep at night or time with your family. It just isn’t possible. Don’t do that to yourself. Decide what’s most important to you, and go with it. You and your organization will get so much more out of it if you’re giving your all to a few than a tiny bit to many.
Get your kids and partner involved with you, too. We have made some amazing family friends through organizations I volunteer with and have attended some great events celebrating our city. I feel more comfortable attending events now that I know people and my husband and daughter have made friends they look forward to seeing each time we attend. Neither of them are as involved as I am obviously, but we are modeling good behavior for our daughter my volunteering our time and our resources for others. She gets to see that in person and gets to see the value of hard work and standing up for your beliefs in ways that make a big difference in the lives of others.
So if you’re feeling like a piece is missing, get out there and get involved! Take it slow, go with what you know or jump in to the unknown, set reasonable expectations and enjoy being a productive and involved member of your community. And now, mommy’s off to a meeting (PTA this time!).
