I found myself sitting in a pediatric gastroenterologist’s office hoping my 4-year-old had a health issue. I know that is insane for me to admit. He’s being have stomach issues, and it all started around the time he began being bullied at school. All of these thoughts began racing through my mind as I sit in the clinic waiting room. “Is he so stressed out and anxious about going to school, that it’s causing the stomach aches?” or “Is there an actual health problem?” So far, it doesn’t look like the latter.
My 4-year-old announced one recent morning that he wasn’t going to eat anymore, “so that his stomach would go down and his friends wouldn’t be mean to him.” My heart sank in my stomach, and I thought I was going to throw up. This has gone too far. How does a 4-year-old understand and make the connection that if he doesn’t eat, he will lose weight? The look on his face after he said it broke my heart.
He had told me a few times over the last month that a handful of boys in his class had told him that he “is slow and fat.” I reminded him that God make him just how he is supposed to be and that I love him just the way he is and that his family loves him just the way he is. I told him that friends don’t call each other names and he should tell his classmates to stop and remind them that friends don’t call each other names.
As a parent, I knew that my child could be bullied, I just wasn’t prepared for it to happen in preschool. How is this happening among a group of 4 year olds? How does a 4 year old become a bully? I wish I had all of the answers for my baby boy. I’ve continued with positive reinforcement, thanking him for confiding in me, communicating with his teacher and we’ve even developed a code word that he can use with is teacher when he feels like he’s being bullied.
I feel like I have failed my child. Why can’t I protect him from this? I’m his mom, I should be able to make everything better, but I can’t.
He loves to go to school. I don’t want him to become afraid to go to school or have anxiety about going to school. I’ve seen so many stories in the news about young children who have committed suicide because they were being bullied at school. It breaks my heart.
I will fight for my son. I will advocate for him and believe him. I wish I had all of the answers for him and that I could make this go away. Each night, I pray that this will pass. I pray that my son continues to open up to me and tell me what is going on so that I can continue to be his advocate. I pray that the bullying stops.
Each night, I also pray for my son’s bullies.
My son has been poked fun of and I believe the term bully is the word used. I know it sucks and why people say stuff that hurts makes no sense. My son has dyslexia and what seems easy is tough for him. We went everywhere to get him help and constantly asked why he couldn’t speak right. Even in high school a boy told him he didn’t have any friends. I feel yours and Trino’s pain and want to share our journey with hands held and open arms.
I am so sorry that Trino is having this horrible experience because it is not ok.. Bullying is the last thing a kid should experience as the deliver or the victim. I am so thankful that you listened, followed up and reenforced to him just how special he is!! God doesnt make any mistakes♡♡. Heart you for your strengrh and courage to love and advocate and pray for those that bully…
I’m so very sorry for you and your son. I just got done (first tearing up) praying for him, and his bullies, after reading this. Ironically, just tonight I talked to my mom about how as much as I hated being bullied in school, I’m now, as an adult, able to attribute so much of my toughness (against adult bullies) to overcoming the bullies I suffered through as a kid. On the other hand, one of the biggest fears (a very unhealthy level of one too!) is my daughters suffering from bullying. I dread it and fear it so much because I know how awfully and terribly painful it was. I look at kids today and it seems even worse and I can’t imagine it feeling worse. Reading this post made me realize that I need to stop just praying for my children, but start praying for all other children too—I pray they don’t bully or suffer through bullying. I pray our children learn empathy and kindness. And I’ll be praying for you and your precious son. Hang in there, mama.
You have not failed as a mama, although I know the feeling. As a family, we were recently bullied relentlessly for close to a year by our neighbors. It started with their daughter bullying our daughter and eventually escalated into her parents bullying our whole family, including us adults.
At times, I did feel like a failure when I couldn’t make everyone in our home feel better. However, I quickly realized that decent people don’t tay others badly. WE were the decent people, not the bullies. Eventually, the relentless bullying forced us, the victims, to move. But, we learned a lot in the process.
Child bullies are usually that way because their home life allows it. They’ve not been taught right from wrong. They are not held accountable for their actions. I don’t know what the answer to the anti-bullying is, but all we can do is continue to love, believe, and support all victims of bullying!!
Hugs to you and yours!!