Our third baby graced us with his little preciousness a mere month ago. He’s snuggly and perfect. He also never sleeps and nurses as if he is a tiny and starving Velociraptor, wreaking havoc on me every two hours of the day. There is a reason we moms have convenient amnesia when it comes to birthing babies and living through the fourth trimester of postpartum daze days. The lack of true rest, the nightmarish soreness our body endures and the worry we all experience is enough to put us over the edge, not to mention trying to keep a tiny human alive and fed. It’s why I have put together a no-nonsense guide to postpartum care. Whether you are a new mom whose friends have left out the gory details or a seasoned mom who simply needs a refresher course, I think we all need reminding of how to take care of ourselves when our sole focus for ten months has been on someone else.
Refer back to Girl Scout training, and be prepared!
- Before arriving home from the hospital, have your husband/mom/friend/sister make up a rehab kit for the bathroom filled with all the “goodies” needed to nurse your lady bits back to health. Fill it with the largest feminine pads they can find, the hospital provided squirt bottle, Tucks pads (lots of them), creams and Dermoplast pain spray.
- Stock up before delivery on CHEAP and very large underwear. This is not the time for vanity. Store those big babies in the rehab basket to put on after you tire of the glorious hospital mesh panties (if that ever happens). Those things are a godsend, and all new mothers should write a thank you note to their inventor.
- Instruct them to then make up a second care basket for your top half, and place it wherever you will feed the baby. I have always preferred to nurse in the baby’s bedroom for the convenience of diaper changes and access to a comfortable rocking chair. Place a water bottle, nipple cream, burp cloths, nursing pads, blankets, hand sanitizer and any extra nursing essentials on a table within arms reach. Store your Boppy or nursing pillow in the chair. Plug in a phone or tablet charger next to you as well. You’ll be spending a lot of hours in this spot so it might as well be comfortable and accommodating.
PSA: Speaking of nursing, this is THE hardest part of having a new baby, in my opinion. No one warns you of how unnaturally difficult such a natural process really, truly can be. Prepare yourself for shedding as many tears as your newborn, both from the pain and the frustration. Remember to hang in there and know it will all work out. You will either both learn how or you won’t, but either way the most important thing is a fed baby. And it doesn’t get easier with every baby. Until you get past the enormous learning curve, give yourself grace and try to at least laugh at the absurdity of engorgement. Those puppies will never be that high and tight again!
- If the timing works out, stock your fridge with easy to prep or pre-made meals! Take a weekend before the baby arrives and make several crockpot ready dinners or freezer meals. Figuring out how and when to cook for not only yourself, but possibly other hungry children is an advanced Tetris game that you will not have the brain power to complete. Keep it simple. No need to win county fair blue ribbons for your efforts. Simply fill bellies. Use paper plates and disposable cutlery to avoid dishes at all costs.
- Invest in comfortable nursing clothing. Fashion should not be at the forefront. Be well equipped with items that are breathable, easy to use and can accommodate your changing sizes. I’ve had babies in the summer, winter and spring and each time I preferred nursing tanks under a button up shirt for the first few weeks or months after returning home.
Listen to what your body, mind and family needs
- Starting day one at home, make an effort to get outside of the four walls of your home. You won’t feel like hitting up the hottest new restaurant, but a few minutes of fresh air does the mind and body wonders. Take a short walk around the block, treat yourself to some ice cream, sit outside and rock on your front porch. You’ll be surprised how refreshing it will feel.
- On that same note, also make an effort to feel normal again. With a newborn so many things are out of your control, so doing one thing for yourself is really important. For me, that means taking a shower and getting dressed (read: anything other than pajamas). This one simple task wakes me and readies me for the day. If you find an extra three minutes left in the routine before the baby needs you, make your bed. There’s something about tiredly collapsing in to a nicely made bed that makes exhaustion a little more bearable.
- We all know the whole “sleep when the baby sleeps” adage is straight up laughable, especially if there are other kids running around. Do not be afraid to vocalize your needs at the height of your exhaustive state. If a girlfriend asks to come over with breakfast and treats, let her. If your mom wants to stay and clean your house, oblige her. And if no one is offering, start asking! After half of a hospital employee population has seen you naked from the waste down, is there really any shame in your game anymore? If there is, there shouldn’t be. People WANT to help, and actually feel honored if you ask them!
- Try not to wish away the hard days of a newborn. I know it’s easy to look forward to the end of sleepless nights, but those warm chest snuggles and squeaks fade fast. Even though it’s stressful, look down every once and a while at that sweet face and know you created something truly miraculous. Breathe in the smells and make a conscious effort to remember, because right here in front of you are the beautiful days and memories you’ll long to feel again.
And finally a list of “Don’ts”
DO NOT:
- Try to do it all. You will be doing yourself and baby a disservice, and it will take longer for the body to heal. Resentment can easily set in after you become sick with exhaustion. Be ok letting things go.
- Worry about what you, your house or older children look like. If everything feels a little ragamuffin the first few weeks, so be it. Take some pictures so you can laugh later.
- Under no circumstance should you step on a scale after arriving home from the hospital. From water retention to Jedi mind tricks, you will want to sob after seeing the number on the scale.
- Isolate yourself. It is easy to hole up with your new baby and never want to leave the house. From germs to the hassle, it can feel like a monumental task. If this is the case, call a girlfriend, sister or neighbor and have her bring you a coffee or glass of wine. Talk about things other than your baby. It will make you feel normal again. When you are ready for her to leave, tell her. She will understand.
New and veteran mommas out there, what did I leave off the list? In my exhausted state, it’s possible there could be a lot!
