An Open Letter to the Inventor of Baby Alive

I get it. It’s my own fault for buying the darn thing to begin with. But if you saw the gleam in her eyes and heard her voice soften as my six year old coaxed cash out of my wallet to buy this lifelike baby doll toy – you would have bought it, too! 

But come on! This thing has me stressed out. 
First: my kid feeds this thing WAY too much. The toy eats more than my living-breathing children. Just this morning she ate three packets of broccoli ,and we are running out of food! So I’ve got to cancel some things because the rest of my day is planned out… waiting to see how long it takes for her to “digest” the “food.” The fine print should read: you will care for this thing while your kid is at school, and it does not come with the ever elusive and entirely necessary village of support
The doll comes with one diaper that is NOT, I repeat NOT reusable. With duct tape, an old wash cloth and some imagination – I was able to manufacture a relatively fashionable reusable diaper for her before the broccoli incident of two hours ago sneaks up on us. 
My daughter waved goodbye to me and her new doll as she boarded the school bus, I asked her “How long after a bottle does it take her to pee?” to which she responded: “She goes when I go. Because I’m the mother.” They are forever connected through the bond that only a robot doll from China and a little girl can share.
So be warned, mothers and fathers, perusing the toy aisle as a reward for good behavior in a store. This toy will require your time and attention. If you are smart – you will convince your child that a nice houseplant is really the way to go if they are looking to take on extra care taking responsibilities. 
Steph is well prepared for the challenges of motherhood. A former officer in the U.S. Army, she led a platoon of soldiers to Iraq where she spent a year and a half conducting combat operations. When she hung up her dog tags to stay at home full time, she knew it was the right decision for her family. She now keeps household operations on point while her husband Adrian serves in the Army Reserves. After 10 years living through the Texas summers, she's back home in the Midwest and enjoying the Northland. Steph enjoys cooking, eating, drinking coffee (and beer), trying new things (failing at diets), and political discussion. Her mom village includes women that she respects: super crunchy moms, lawyer moms, college professor moms, musician moms, Crossfit moms, obsessively crafty moms, drinking buddy moms, super conservative moms, super liberal moms, Army moms, and anyone she hasn't yet met. Her favorite thing about the Northland (so far): Penguin Park.