Potty Pressure

I have no idea what I’m doing. 

Google says the average boy is potty trained by 39 months. That makes us officially one month behind. And counting. We’ve got a long way to go. 

I guess I screwed up the first part. We bought a little potty a year ago, and regularly encouraged him to use it. But we didn’t push too hard, for fear it would backfire. That’s what the experts say, right? 

Then came the 3-year pediatrician appointment. He asked if we were potty trained yet. “Don’t worry about it,” he says. “He’ll get there when he’s ready.” No other advice? OK. 

Grandma’s take was similar. “If he’s not waking up with dry diapers, he’s not ready.” Really? OK. 

But then, our daycare director dropped this bomb at the beginning of the summer: “Mom, I have your son and his two friends scheduled to move up to the 3-year-old room this fall. But he can’t go until he’s potty trained.” It’s no big deal she says, but she doesn’t want him to fall behind on the curriculum. 

WHAT. 

Where did this deadline come from? Could someone have told me earlier? And WHY DO 3-YEAR-OLDS have “curriculum”?!? 

This is what we call pressure, people. 

So that weekend we ripped off the band aid – or in this case, the diaper. 

He peed everywhere. On the family room carpet, in the kitchen, in the cul-de-sac, even at the new dinosaur exhibit. (Sorry, Union Station.) 

Pro tip – don’t get your carpets cleaned the month before you ramp up potty training. 

But just a few days later, he was really getting it! Barely any accidents at all. We just might make it to the big kid room this fall! 

Wait. They have to POOP in the potty, too? 

This is going to take a minute. I won’t give you the icky details. But if anyone knows how to poop train a kid with chronic constipation, let me know. 

What makes the world think parents just know how to do this? Clearly I should have taken a class on potty training. And a lot of other things for that matter. Not that the breastfeeding class did us any good. 

I have learned a few things on this journey.  

• Listen to your mom gut. I’m no expert by any means. Clearly. But I also know my kid. I wish I wouldn’t have at least tried some of my ideas earlier. Maybe nothing would have changed, except me no longer asking “What if?” 
• Pull-Ups at Walmart cost $.40. Paw Patrol underwear is $1.50 each. The cost of just tossing soiled Iron Man undies in the trash? Priceless. I’m sorry, but there’s a point where it’s just not saving. 
• It’s going to be OK. Even if he joins the 3-year-old room a little late. Even if we have to pay for diapers for a little longer. Ever hear of a bunch of middle school kids wearing diapers? Me neither. 

So mamas – here’s to us figuring it out as we go. May you have all the patience in your heart, all the support from your partner, all the backup underwear and shorts in your bag, and all the wine/chocolate in your pantry that you need to figure it out. It’s going to be OK. 

Right?