Social Distancing and Being a Better Mom, Wife

In light of the rapid spread of COVID-19, all of us have been instructed to stay calm, stay washing our hands, and stay home. Social distancing means making daily, conscious decisions to stay away from people in public or group gatherings. In dealing with this pandemic, it is better to be proactive than reactive, by implementing contact containment.

For our country, that means isolating ourselves in order to prevent exposure to those who may be especially at risk. The steps can be viewed as excessive, inconvenient, and dramatic to some of us, but they are necessary measures. Social distancing could mean the difference between a manageable surge of patients and overwhelming the health system, potentially leading to more lives lost. But I’m a mom in my mid-30’s, with no major or immuno-compromising conditions. These lifestyle sacrifices may seem silly and drastic if you’re any bit like me, but it’s not about us.

What does social distancing look like? Much more time–all the time–spent at home with, wait for it … our kids and our spouses. At the very worst, we all get a little stir crazy and the kids eat us out of house and home. That seems minor compared to the outcome of living our lives without regard for the well-being of others. Our household is only a short season into social distancing, but it’s shown me how I want to spend my time. I find myself trying to focus more on quality interaction with my family.

mom and kid
Picnic on the living room floor and church online, my boy loved this novelty.

I think I’m a pretty good mom, but social distancing has forced me to be free of the distractions and “busy-ness” that typically keep me from being present at home. Having to cross out my usual schedule of “doing all the things” and going from A to B to C, now I find myself being deliberate about engaging with the kids. I’m trying to play more with the kids rather than send them off to play with each other. I’m being more creative with activity ideas so we can have special fun together, during this period of uncertainty. The other day, we had a brunch picnic in the living room as we watched our church service online. I’m slowing down and being still more to savor in their littleness. I’m leaning in to being home-bound by making new memories instead of sitting in despair over the disruption to our lives. Dare I say, social distancing is helping me be a better mom. Lemons into lemonade.

Focusing on fine motor skills during one of our “homeschool” days.

These days, I’m also wearing a new hat: the teacher hat. School is out for the next couple weeks, as part of the effort to socially distance people. We just wrapped up our first week of “homeschooling”, and I’m feeling pretty proud of myself. I say homeschooling lightly, because I do not presume to have anywhere near the credentials (nor patience) that teachers have. First and foremost, I’m a mother before a teacher. That is what I’m reminding myself as I’ve felt the pressure to have elaborate lesson plans and follow a rigid “school day” schedule. There is nothing wrong with that, but I’m taking a more lax approach and doing what works best for our little family. I like having options available, so I’ve created a spreadsheet with academic resources categorized by subject, but I am trying to be flexible and realistic in my expectations. Some days we do a lot of learning, other days we do more playing, and both are okay. Though it’s not by choice that I find myself in this new role, I think it’s a privilege. Because of social distancing, I get a first-hand look into my child’s academic strengths and weaknesses, to meet him where his needs lie. I’m getting insight into an aspect of my child’s life I don’t normally get to see when he’s at school.

I have also trying to be more intentional about spending time with my husband. Historically, weekends were for trying new restaurants and exploring the city. Again, going out and being among the masses. That’s not an option right now. Instead, we’re staying in and engaging in real conversations. Talking about recent events has been a catalyst for sharing fears and exchanging deep thoughts on faith and humanity. These are conversations I’m not sure we would otherwise be having, and it feels refreshing. We are also more connected as a team, being more patient with the kids and one another. Maybe it’s because we are both stuck at home without an escape when life gets overwhelming (I’m guilty of all the Target runs when it’s been a rough day of toddler tantrums), maybe it’s because we’re using the isolation from others as a chance to grow closer together.

I really don’t like change and not being in control. But whenever both those things happen, I have always found the best response to be: find good, trust God, and make the most of it. Our present circumstances may be forced and not preferred, but we can choose to let them bring us down or be better because of them. Let’s choose the latter. On the outside, social distancing looks lonely and sad. But at the heart of it, social distancing is the epitome of loving each other more than ever. If we can slow the spread of this virus, spare lives, be a more present mother and committed spouse … the sacrifice now is more than worth the outcome later.

Jollene Hastings
Jollene has been married to her husband of 7 years and has two young boys. She grew up on the coasts (CA and NJ), but moved to the Midwest for college. After graduating from journalism school at Mizzou, she moved to KC and has fully embraced the BBQ, sports, and arts scene the city offers. Her and her husband have a medical supplies company, but she is primarily a SAHM and CEO of staying busy. Being a foodie, she enjoys cooking, trying new restaurants, party planning, and eating all the desserts. Her other interests include: traveling, Pinterest-ing, fashion, volunteering, music arts, bargain shopping, and taking 100 pictures of her boys--daily. She is grateful for family, adventures with her sons, and a loving Lord.