My kids have a lot of stuff. A lot. And, I own it – it’s my fault. It’s not like babies are born with a need to acquire. This mama is wearing no blinders; the amount of stuff in my kids’ rooms, playrooms, baskets and bins in the garage, and items haphazardly thrown around the house is there because I bought it. Me. I’m the one who has had to get replacement Visa cards because I’ve worn them out (who knew that was possible?). I’m a shopper and always have been. I like to decorate, adorn, and re-work my little nest, constantly fluffing the feathers until they’re just the way I like it. My kids have more than some kids, and less than others, and I’ve asked myself the million dollar question over the years – are my kids spoiled? My answer – No. And here’s why.
I believe there’s a difference between spoiled and indulged. My kids are 100 percent unequivocally and undeniably indulged. To me, the difference between the spoiled and indulged labels lies in child behavior, parental expectations, and yes, even the types of things that I buy. Let me explain.
Child Behavior
My children do not walk into Target and expect to walk out with something bright and shiny. They don’t expect to, so they don’t ask for anything while we’re there. I made it clear a long time ago that they won’t be going to stores with me if they whine, ask me to buy something, and walk the aisles pouting that they have been refused the latest gadget. Not going to happen — I’m not about to waste my precious latte-sipping, aisle browsing, Target time arguing with little boys about why they don’t need another something-something. No, we might draw stares in the store, but it’s not from a temper tantrum thrown when Mean Mommy won’t buy them something; the stares always come because my boys will spend their time cart surfing, hiding from each other in the clothing racks and announcing their need to pee louder than is necessary.
At the end of the day, my boys are expected to show appreciation for anything they do receive, handwritten thank-you notes a must in my house for birthday gifts and gestures of generosity from friends and family. Yes, I might go overboard with gifts for birthdays and during the holidays, but that’s on me. They appreciate every single one.
Parental Expectations
I want my children to be kind, thoughtful, and considerate of others. I want them to understand that not every child has a playroom like theirs or new books to line the shelves. It’s not easy; it’s not easy for children to let go of some of their toys so others can enjoy them, but that’s part of teaching them the importance of giving back when you have been blessed with so much. I expect manners from my boys, just yesterday reminding my oldest the importance of looking adults in the eye when they speak to you and responding in a clear way. I am trying to raise my boys to understand that, although they have a lot of stuff, these material things are not the most important in life. Family, friends, playing outside, and tapping into their imaginations is far more valuable than any toy that twirls, spins, sings and is soon forgotten.
The Types of Stuff
Among the “stuff” filling my kids’ rooms is an abundance of books and art supplies. We make regular trips to the library, but I have no problem surprising them with a trip to the bookstore so they can choose a new read for their shelves. I feel the same way about art supplies; a trip to the hobby store is as exciting for two little boys as it is for me, the colorful paints and paper representing a rainy afternoon where they can lose themselves in artwork that will decorate our walls and fill my house with hand-painted joy. And, yes, I buy other stuff too. I’m guilty of surprising them with a “pick something out” treat from the dollar bin and buy them too many pajamas because I can’t resist the cute designs. They probably have more clothes than they need and enough outdoor toys to fill a small boutique. Again, that’s all me.
So, spoiled or indulged? Some parents who see my kids’ room might lean toward the former, but without thought as to what it really means. At the end of the day, I’m confident that I’m raising good, kind, caring, and thoughtful people. And, if you told them that you loved a particular toy in their room, I bet they’d give it to you.
