Since having a second child, now 2.5 years ago, I often forget that I can take my son and do things with just him when big sister is at school. So I did that. It was a gorgeous day so we headed to the park.
As he was playing, I felt a set of eyes on us. Do you ever get the feeling that someone is watching you with the sole purpose of waiting to jump in and offer advice or correct you? That’s what was going on. My son started trying to climb up a small ladder to get up on a play structure and was struggling. After trying for less than five seconds he says, “Help, Mama.” I smiled at him, and encouraged him to try again. He got one little foot up and had a grin of pride. He launched back into “help, Mama” on repeat. Again, I waited, as I knew he was safe. He was learning. He was not distressed. Then, I heard a voice from up on the play set above say, “Um, I think your son is asking for your help” with “that” tone. I glanced up and there the set of eyes was. I was literally being talked down to.
What do you say in a situation like this? Yes, I can understand my own child– thank you for your translating skills. Yes, I know he wants my immediate help– my ears are alive and well. And no, you do not get to weigh in on how I teach my child independence– something that is not learned by jumping in the second a child experiences a healthy level of stress. I think people often feel the need to comment or weigh in because the situation they are witnessing makes them uncomfortable. They want us as moms to make it stop. And if we don’t do it in a timely manner, the unsolicited advice or commentary is word vomited.
A similar situation precipitated at Chick-Fil-A some time later. I was waiting for a drink refill and my two-year-old was standing next to me, fussing to be picked up. I told him to wait just a minute. He whined and cried, obviously upsetting two women close to us. One muttered to the other, “Just pick the kid up already, geeze.” Oh, I’m sorry. Was that making you uncomfortable? Excuse me while my son learns the life skill of waiting in a public setting. And if you are going to comment, please say it a little louder and look me in the eye, so I can address your concern.
Every mother can think of a situation where something similar has happened to her. As a society, wouldn’t it be a delight if everyone tried to assume the best of parents? That being said, this does not apply to witnessing a safety concern or something that puts a child in a physically or emotionally compromising position. But if there is a child struggling in some way and you see a mom standing by as a gentle, loving, but firm coach, consider giving her a high five instead of the side eye. And if you can’t, I ask that you respectfully move along.
