There is a lost art. It’s called thank you note writing. And it’s a problem.
It’s interesting to me that there is so much talk these days about gratitude yet the practice of thank you note writing seems to be in a state of decline. Some would argue that there are many ways to express gratitude or thankfulness- whether it be verbal or through a text or email. The question I pose is, is it the same?
There is something to be said for sitting down, pulling out some stationary and taking a few minutes out of the day to say thank you to someone. In a day and age where everything is fast paced, it is even more meaningful to do something that is slow, sometimes tedious. One of the most valuable things we can give others is our time, and writing a thank you note takes just that.
Growing up, my parents made me write thank you notes. And I hated it. My mom would have a list waiting for me after every birthday or holiday detailing the gift next to the giver. It was a dreaded non-negotiable. You have heard that doing something associated with a feeling (like doing something loving for someone when you don’t feel love) brings about that emotion over time. think that is what happens here, especially for kids. As a child you may not feel appreciative or grateful for something you’ve received but over time, those feelings are naturally cultivated through practice.
So what does that practice look like? Here’s what it looks like in our home with our four-year-old daughter:
Keep a list: My husband and I use a note taking app on our phones to keep track of gifts on her birthday, Christmas, etc.
Picking out stationary: She picks out her thank you cards at the Dollar Store or TJ Maxx. If we don’t have any, she makes her own out of paper. I think family appreciate that type more anyway!
Little by little: I have found, especially at her age, spreading out the notes over time help decrease overwhelm. Do 1-2 a day, or whatever your child prefers. Try to make it a positive experience. I’ll often work on my own thank you notes at the same time.
The writing: My daughter is obviously too young to write her own notes so she dictates while I write what she wants to say- which is often entertaining. Sometimes prompts help: “Thank you so much for my ____. My favorite thing to do with it is _____.” Sometimes she will draw a picture of her using whatever the gift is.
Delivery: Who doesn’t love stickers? Letting her stuff, seal, and stamp the envelope is the best part.
In a world of speedy WiFi and selfies, carrying on the lost art of thank you note writing seems almost counter cultural. Writing them is slow and the focus is on someone other than yourself. I don’t know about you, but I think we could use a little more of this today. In our home, it starts with a card and some crayons.
