When Naps Aren’t Working

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Before having my own child, I understood only a few things about mom life. One is that there was a blissful, sacred space on the calendar each day called “nap time.” The way my mom friends spoke about it, I assumed it was something that just happened – and that babies naturally did.

You can imagine my surprise when I discovered my “sleepy newborn” wasn’t quite so fond of this whole napping business (nor was he fond of sleeping at nighttime for longer than I expected, but that’s another story).

I’ve heard other moms say that their first babies slept so much during the day that they actually had to find a hobby. But for the first 9 months of my new mom life, trying to get my baby to nap longer than 30 minutes at a time WAS my hobby! As a stay-at-home and work-at-home mom, I longed for predictable, decent napping as though it were the holy grail of motherhood. I researched my brains out in sleep books and blogs, and I consumed more coffee than I knew was humanly possible.

Of course, it’s very likely that I just didn’t know what the heck I was doing, but eventually what helped most was, quite simply, time. From 9-12 months, a workable routine magically emerged, and we now have that beautiful moment called nap time in our day. Even then, my son still naps less than many of his toddler colleagues, and his naps are interrupted more often than I wish by some combination of poop, teeth, puking, lawnmowers, or general toddler antics.

It’s no secret that there are many ways for baby and toddler naps to go amiss – short naps, interrupted naps, no naps, unplanned naps, nap transitions, naps in the wrong places, children napping at different times, nap time escape artists, etc.

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Luckily, there are many great resources on the internet with strategies for improving your kid’s napping if need be – see this post on short naps, for instance. But what I’m slowly learning is that motherhood is less about trying to control my environment and more about adapting to the beautiful chaos of it all. So, for the seasons in which you just need to survive a bad nap phase, here are a few tips:

  1. Make a “bad nap” plan. I’ve found that a key to poor or no-nap days is expecting them to come, and having a feasible action plan. Your plan depends, of course, on your kid’s age, the number of kids you have, and what works for you as a mom in any given season. There was a time where my son would wake up after one sleep cycle and happily go right back to sleep if I would hold him. At first I didn’t love sitting in a dark room for 30 minutes … until I started leaving my Kindle by the rocker. Then I could both cuddle my baby and catch up on some reading time — win, win! (Yes, I realize this is only possible when you have one child at home… mamas with multiple kiddos, please share your expert tips in the comments!) Now that my son is older, I’m able to institute a reasonable “rest time” policy whether he’s sleeping or not, and I have Daniel Tiger or a trip to Costco in our back pocket if one of us (usually me) needs a crankiness diffuser by 4 p.m.
  2. For short nappers, a timer is your friend. Not a timer for your kid – for you! All those short naps during my son’s first year forced me to learn nap time efficiency. Even if I knew I only had 30 minutes before the baby would be crying, I learned I could use a timer to help me squeeze several things in: 5 minutes for unloading the dishes, 10 minutes for a quick shower and 15 minutes for catching up on email. I still use the timer strategy most days, which helps a ton when I’m working from home.
  3. A single-cup coffee maker is also your friend. An easily-accessible cup of coffee is not only great for surviving no-nap days, but also on days when your toddler drops your make-up in the toilet (“uh-oh!”) or is happily launching dirty diaper grenades down the staircase at 7 a.m. But, I digress.
  4. Find other ways to get a break. If you’re not getting any breather during your day (or week!), then find some way to get one, and don’t feel guilty about it. In the height of my son’s bad sleeping/napping phase, I started taking him to a mom’s day out one morning a week. I basically just drank coffee and stared at a wall during those two hours, but then I was ready to see that sweet, wide-awake face again! Some moms have also been known to take a trip to the gym just for a child-free shower … but I wouldn’t know anything about that myself. 😉
  5. Find moms who can relate. No matter what challenge you are facing as a mom (especially as a new mom), you need a few people who can make you feel a little less crazy and affirm that you are not the only one. Even if it seems like every mom around you has it all figured out, trust me: there are many of us who have little clue what we’re doing! Join a support group, find a fellow mom with a challenging sleeper or send in a Mommy SOS to our Facebook page.

Dealing with bad naps is certainly not the worst thing, and of course in the end, it’s totally worth it! But some days can feel long, so let’s help each other by sharing our survival strategies. Leave your own nap time ideas below or on our Facebook page!

Jenna
Jenna lives in Midtown with her husband and two kids (ages 6 and 4). She has an M.A. in English and too many overdue books at the library. She has been working with writers for over a decade, as a high school teacher, college instructor, and writing coach. She loves good coffee, serious conversation, and not-too-serious fiction.