Why Kids Behave Differently for Their Moms

Parenting. Matriarchy and Patriarchy. Read a lot of books and decide how you want to raise tiny humans, then just have one or three. Then tell me how your plan is going for you.

There are just some things that moms have to do. Usually moms have to put their kids’ jammies on, or lay down with them until they fall asleep, or put their shoes on, or hold them when they cry.

Moms also get the brunt of all evil when stuff goes haywire and children begin to act like the spawn of Satan. Why is that?

I’m 100% for fathers being more involved in their children’s lives. This is something I feel we need more of in the world. But why, oh why, do children behave up to 800% worse for their mothers than their fathers? Or any other adult for that matter?

My frustration lies in the fact that I am the one who gets the kids up each morning, changes their diapers (twin momma) or helps them go potty, dresses them, feeds them, gets their shoes on, gathers any additional items to be taken to daycare, and buckles those beasts into the carseat each day.

It sounds doable when I type it out. Easy enough, I tell myself. But my mornings don’t always happen like a nice little “to do” list, mentally checking off the boxes in an orderly and timely fashion. Ohhhhh no! My mornings are mostly full of unreasonable tantrums, sibling arguments, pee on the floor, wondering who still smells like pee, and fights over who is wearing what shoes. By the time we are out the door by 7:15ish, my patience is thin and I haven’t even been at work yet!

Then there are the days when my kids stay home with dad. Let me be clear. Their dad is NOT babysitting them. He is their father. He is fathering them. These are such awesome days for me because the mental load of having to control the chaos is lifted for a few days and I can get myself in the car at a reasonable time and actually drink some hot coffee with a smile on the way to work.

When I come home and ask how the day went, my husband lovingly tells me it was a great day. The dishes are done, the laundry is folded, all the kids willingly took a nap, and he usually shrugs his shoulders in delight, as if he’s asking himself, What’s the big deal? Staying home with the kids is easy.

Easy.

Although I’m super happy about this journey for him, I began to ask around to see if anyone else held my same frustrations or if it was truly just me!

You guys, there is truth to this.

This blog tells about why kids are absolutely “800% worse” for their mommas.

We are a safe place for our children. They trust us. Their whole lives we have been the ones to make things right for them–whether sleeping, eating, or playing. We are the fixers, the doers, the shoe-putter-on-ers, the organizers, the cooks, the snack getters, the drink fixers, the nap enforcers. And sometimes they just cannot comprehend another second of their sweet little lives without telling us or showing us they can’t handle any more.

I’ll be honest, I have a bad habit of either a) getting angry OR b) crying when my kids act up. But after reading more and chatting with fellow mommas more, I know not to take it personally. If my kids are holding it together at daycare all day, then come home and have a complete melt down, I need to shift my mindset to be more understanding of their little brains and how they’re developing…even if it doesn’t quite fit into my schedule.

They save everything up and then unleash it (sometimes with fury) on us, don’t they, mommas? It’s often incomprehensible to us…well, to me anyway. Isn’t this why I, in my thirties, can still think back to times where I was hurting as a kid and my mom walked in the room, and one hug from her made me feel so safe and loved that I sobbed into her arms?

It’s a mom thing.

This would also explain why parents look at me a little bit cross-eyed during parent/teacher conferences when I tell them their child is an angel.

Or when you’re at the swimming pool and your child only wants YOU to roam around the pool with her as she struts her skills in her puddle jumper, while dad gets to relax on the other end and sip a cold one. Kids just bottle it up and keep those emotions for their mommas! 

We can take it. Right?! 

I’m still trying to understand it. And navigate it without giving them too many things to chat about in therapy. Maybe I should just stop trying to figure it out and let it just be. After all, they’re still so little. But I DO KNOW that a little bit of love and support from each other can go a long way. 

Do your kids act differently for you than other adults?