Pregnancy is magical. Growing and sustaining life is truly a gift … unless the third trimester takes place in the throes of summer. Then, pregnancy feels like becoming hostage to suffocating ruched t-shirts and high-waisted leggings. Picture yourself as a greased-up, honey-baked ham, fresh out of the oven, and then you can accurately equate being pregnant during the hottest months of the year.
Being pregnant in the summer really is the worst.
I once overheard a sweet (and naïve) woman carrying her first child make plans to “simply indulge in summer fun and splash in the pool all summer long before the baby was due in late August.” After giving birth in late July to my third baby the year before, I had to excuse myself to LOL. Having waddled my way with swollen appendages to the finish line, I knew all too well that she was in for one sweaty ride. I wanted to warn her it’s not all barbeques and bathing suits.
Prepare for the sweat.
I’m not just talking about the adorable pregnancy glow kind of sweat. You will sweat from places you didn’t even know existed. There will be a need to change bras at least a few times a day. You will fantasize about jumping in to a tub of ice cubes, while consuming a Route 44-size cup of Sonic ice chips, in Antarctica. Your hair will always look as if you just returned from a hot yoga session and any makeup will comically slide off your face the instant you walk out of your air conditioned home. Those once-comfortable waistbands that expand over your belly to just under your bust will suddenly feel like a torturous corset, meant to slowly take you out by way of heat stroke. Do yourself a favor; buy several scrunchies (they’re BACK, baby!) and keep that damp mop on top of your head. Buy a bunch of EXTREMELY loose dresses and strap a small fan to your knees, pointing north. You can thank me later.
Watch out for the swelling.
The heat amplifies the unpleasant swelling that blesses us those last few weeks before baby’s arrival. Fingers and toes will resemble Jimmy Dean link sausages. The consumption of one salty potato chip and you’ll have to break out a vat of Crisco to remove your wedding rings. Thinking of rocking out some cute heels or ankle strap sandals for date night? Hahahaha. Nice try. You will be lucky to wedge your Flintstone feet into an XL flip-flop.
Summer fun isn’t so fun.
A neighborhood bbq sounds fun and relaxing, right? By the time you walk down the block, your thighs will be so chafed they will feel like two pieces of coarse, grit sandpaper. Cold margaritas will take your mind off being so uncomfortable! Oh wait, never mind. How about just sitting and relaxing in a lawn chair? Sure, until you realize you can’t get out of it without a proper hoist. Getting comfortable is completely impossible. Swimming is actually pretty fantastic and relaxing, just make sure your partner is home to assist, in case you need help wrangling that suit past your midsection.
Plan to be utterly exhausted.
If this isn’t your first go-round, you’ll have little kids begging for zoo visits, park trips, and baseball games. The extended daylight hours of summer we all relish suddenly feel like hours of slow torture, as bed times are extended and kids beg to be outside longer. By the time you reach the couch, you’ll feel as if you’ve run a marathon. And in all reality, you kind of have run a marathon, while a baby kicks your ribs and feels like it might fall out at any moment.
The good news? You are a short time away from meeting your precious little guy or girl. Convince yourself heat waves induce labor as you use every excuse imaginable to eat popsicles, ice cream, and slushies. Next summer, you can sip away at a margarita and feel grateful to see those normal-sized feet again.