When the stay at home order was put into place, like many, I was distressed over cancelled plans, school, and general logistics. It was mind boggling going from a jam-packed schedule to literally nothing. Strangely–or maybe not strangely–my feelings quickly moved to an odd sense of relief. I was being forced into a more simpler way of living.
I always feel like I need a break from things. Too much going on, too many commitments, not enough time to just be. Well, I got my wish. Not in the way I would have liked, but I got it.
After relief came anxiety. Tightness in my chest, a feeling of free falling. So much time and so much to do. By the time this is all over, my entire house should be cleaned, organized, and labeled in matching bins. Any project I’ve ever wanted to do should be completed. I never have enough time to get everything done, and now that time has been given, everything should get done … right?
This was a lot of pressure. Deep breaths.
A couple into weeks of lockdown, I had settled into a new normal. Getting dressed?Optional. Watching Full House with the kids in bed every morning? Yes. Rushing out of the house while almost killing people? Nope. Going to things I didn’t feel like going to? Nope. The list goes on. Waking up every day with an open schedule was strangely liberating for someone who typically thrives on a schedule. Or did I really thrive on a schedule? Or was it drowning me because I would never allow myself to come up for air and just BE?
I feel like the reset button was hit in my life. I wish the circumstances of it were different, but it’s a silver lining for sure. Now I get to decide, piece by piece, what I want to add back in and what parts I want to keep the same.