Dear Future Daughter-in-Law

Dear Future Daughter-in-Law,

This morning when I tiptoed into my son’s room to wake him for the day, I thought of you.  As my cheek brushed up against his fresh new haircut, tickling my face while I snuggled in close to him, you came to mind.  Later this afternoon when he got home from school and ran right up to me to give me a long hug, it was you that I was thinking of. 

Finally, as the day drew to a close and I began my discussion with God in prayer, you were heavy on my heart. You see, I am acutely aware that the day will come when you are the first person he sees as he is awoken  It is you that he will snuggle up closely with and warm with his infectious love. It is you that he will reach for when he needs a hand to hold, a neck to hug, or an ear to hear about his exciting day. 

Despite what my husband, your amazingly wonderful father-in-law currently thinks, I am not sad that you will take a place that I currently hold so tightly in my grips. The place of my son’s favorite girl. Right now, I am his girl. He is my boy. My son.

But some day he will be yours. Be your husband. Your man. And while I know he will always love his dear old mama, I am not naive to the fact that my presence will be overshadowed by you entering a room. Shockingly enough, I am good with that. I hope for that. In fact, I pray for that. 

I pray that he will love you with a fierceness that is marveled at. I pray that he will always light up when you are around. I pray that he holds no one except God before you. It is you that I am thinking of now, because it is you that he will make a life with.  Right now he is 10, but before I know it, he will be 30.

In the early years, I was the driver. I controlled the directions of the world for my son. As he has gotten older, I have slid over to the passenger seat. Still very much navigating and needed, but not driving. Soon I will be in the back seat, involved but needed even less. The time will come when I am on the outside of the car. Watching and waving as it is driven off. You in the passenger seat, me as the spectator. 

I will watch as you two build a life together. I will watch as you figure out this life. Hand in hand. As you love, laugh, cry, fail and succeed. I will watch it all. And I promise you, I will root for you both, as you conquer the world. He chose you. Even without meeting quite yet, I know you are amazing. I know you are the one for him.

Some believe they lose a son to marriage, and I am sure I will feel that way from time to time, but as cliche as it sounds I am truly excited to gain another daughter. I am excited to see who he chooses. I am excited to watch him as a husband. Oh I pray he’s watched his Daddy love on me, and he mimics it. That he leads his family the way his example has taught him. How could I not be excited for all of that? And the possibility of grandkids? GET OUT! I am thrilled.   

What I ask you in return is patience. Patience as I navigate this new life, life in the back seat, life as a spectator. It is not a vantage point I am currently used to. Patience while I learn that his love for you does not dull his love for me. Right now, I am the light of his life. I can see it in his eyes. His #1. The thought of that fading ever so slightly is a pain I can physically feel sting in my heart as I type this letter to you. 

It was my voice that he heard as he entered the world. I was the first person to hold him. He reaches for my hand. It is me that he currently looks for to wipe his tears, ease his heartache. I am where he finds his comfort. And I relish in it! 

So please show me grace, show me understanding. This is a joint effort, this in-law thing. I bear the responsibility of not over stepping. Of knowing my lane so to speak. I will need to let go to what once was and accept what now is. To accept my new role, however knowing my importance hasn’t gone away, it has changed ever so slightly. You bear the responsibility of grinning as if you want yet another dinner with your in-laws, when you most likely don’t. You will need to learn that we joke with one another in this family, that we love hard, we are all in. Possibly too much all in. You’ll see.

When I slip up and am obnoxious to deal with you should ultimately remember this… I am from Wyandotte County. I’ll end you. Love you already! Welcome to the chaos. Please take care of my boy. My son. My heart.

Love,

Your Future Mother-in-Law…. his mama