I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant with my fourth baby. My last baby…EVER. Just saying those words makes me stop and think how did we get here already?
In just seven short years, my husband and I have experienced five pregnancies and come June, four babies. You see, when my husband and I were barely 20 something-year-olds with twinkles in our eyes, we knew we wanted to have four kids. We wanted to raise a big family. We were just two kids ourselves, with big dreams. Now, here we stand nine years later closing the chapter on babies.
If you know me well, you know that all I ever wanted to be in life was a Mom. I didn’t always know what job I would have or what career I would be super passionate about. But one thing that always stood strong and steadfast in my heart was the desire to be a Mama.
Then, it happened. The three best moments of my entire life were the three times we’ve welcomed a beautiful daughter into the world. Soon, we will welcome our first son into the world and while I am incredibly thankful I have been given this gift four times, I can’t help myself by feeling both the joy AND sadness of having my last baby, ever.
The baby stage without a doubt has been my absolute favorite stage. The weight of your newborn baby sleeping against your chest is an irreplaceable feeling. Even through the sleepless nights, around the clock feedings and the endless diapers, the truth is I wouldn’t change anything about that stage for the world. Sometimes as a Mama my most favorite moments are in the quiet of the night, when no one else in the house is awake but my sweet baby and me, while I’m nursing and rocking and shhhhing that baby back to sleep. The world is quiet and I can truly soak in the undeniable bond between mother and child. There is something so magical and angelic about babies to me.
I think how this will be the last time I ever see two pink lines on a pregnancy test. The last time I will see that beautiful image of a fluttering heart on the ultrasound screen. The last time I will feel all those little kicks inside my womb. The last time I will have a big, swollen belly. The last time I will experience the amazing gift of giving birth. The last time I will get to nourish a sweet baby through breastfeeding. The last time I will hear the first “mama.” The last time I will witness first steps.
Within the blink of an eye, that stage will soon come to an end. I know how fast it all goes, and I know before we know it our son will be walking, talking and enrolled in preschool. Our focus and work will shift to shuffling kids to practices, games, dance recitals, school pickups and drop offs, homework, school projects, curfews and teenagers.
So for now, I’ll cherish these moments with my last baby. I’ll take a bunch of both belly and baby pictures. I’ll rock him a little longer, let him keep that pacifier , and sing as many songs to him as he wants. I’ll both laugh and cry at his first words and first steps.
While I know kids never outgrow needing their mom (heck, I’m 30 and still need mine!), there is something so special the way a baby needs their mama, and it’s something I’ll hold near and dear to my heart forever.
