If you have a daughter, you know how that relationship between a mother and daughter can be very complex and occasionally difficult, especially when your daughter is a budding preteen dealing with not only physical but emotional changes. Sometimes mothers and daughters can be best friends, while other times we struggle to even get along or understand each other.
I oftentimes reflect on the relationship between my daughter and I. We have a pretty good relationship, but it could be better. There are some things that we both need to work on, but me more, considering I’m the parent and I set the example for her. Here are some tips I plan to share with my daughter and apply to our relationship in order to build a stronger mother/daughter bond from now until forever 😊:
Realize it’s me, too. During those moments we struggle to get along with one another, I have to understand that the fault is on us both; however, more often than not, the fault is on me. It’s OK though – no one is perfect! I have to set a good example and be more open-minded about changing my own behaviors.
Listen to one another. I will make time for us to sit and talk with one another and actually listen to each other. As a parent, it is too easy to not actively listen to my daughter when I have a thousand other things going on at the same time. It’s worth taking time away from everything else to just sit and listen.
Spend more one on one time together. It’s important that parents take time individually with each of our children. One on one time is such an important part of relationship building. My daughter needs to know that I enjoy being with her and that I want to spend my time with her. She needs to know that I support the things she enjoys.
Be realistic. In the areas in which we struggle (attitudes and patience), I understand that behaviors will not change overnight. It is important for me to be realistic in my expectations. No one is perfect and no one can have perfect behavior all the time; we can’t expect that of one another.
Apologize every time. If we hurt one another, apologize. Pride isn’t saved for men, women have been known to hold onto their pride a little too long and it can be unhealthy to parent/child relationships. We have to let each other know that we recognize we made a mistake and say sorry. These words can go a long way toward healing and toward keeping a healthy relationship strong.
Forgive. What good is apologizing if we refuse to forgive? I have to make sure I’m willing to forgive not only her mistakes but our own. Holding a grudge or mentally or verbally beating ourselves up when we make a mistake as a mother or daughter is never beneficial.
Communicate often. This kind of goes along with listening to one another. We also need to be able to talk and communicate with one another. If one of us is having a problem, we should be able to tell one another. This is where the listening comes in. If one of us has an issue that we are struggling with, be sure to listen and be understanding of that issue without getting defensive about it. This also includes being open-minded and willing to listen if she’s having trouble at school or with friends. From experience, I know that middle school can be tough. I want my daughter to feel comfortable talking to be about anything.
Last, but not least…
Encourage and allow her to be herself unapologetically. At the end of the day, she and I are not the same person. I can’t expect her to be who I want her to be. I have to allow her to be her own person with her own individuality which will help build her confidence, which in turn strengthens our relationship. This also means that we both won’t always agree on things and that’s OK. We don’t always have to agree with one another to have a great relationship.
These tips can apply to any parent/child relationship, not only mothers and daughters. If you’re like me and seek to build a stronger bond with your child or children, I hope my tips are beneficial to you on your journey! For parents who have experienced the preteen and teen phases, do you have any tips to add?
These thoughts are wonderful. I especially like the ones about apology and forgiveness. Thanks for the reminder that we as moms don’t have to be perfect. To me, when I apologize and my daughter forgives me, it is like a warm gift of love in my heart. I hope it is for her as well!