If you are anything like me, life begins to get in the way of all things important. You start to discover without even realizing it that you are neglecting important stuff just so you can get the little things done. Over the years, one of the things I began to neglect was my husband. Why is it that we tend to assume the ones we love the most will just be OK without our attention and we direct our time and energy on the things that really don’t matter?
My husband and I decided that even though we have a lot going on, we would commit to serving each other in five ways each month. On the first day of each month we would write down five things that the other could do for us. Then we gave each other all month to complete the list.
In the beginning, the lists turned out to be very superficial: Buy me something nice, fancy date night out, weekend at a hotel together, time to myself. The lists were very self centered and self serving. But, we did them anyway.
After awhile we began to notice the power of the lists. It was very satisfying to know I could check something off of his list that would “fill his bucket” so to speak. There was a joy and happiness when I could arrange for him to have some time to himself. Sometimes it was as easy as grabbing Starbucks on my way home from work. Or I would come home and dinner had been prepared already.
The lists took on a life of their own, and became more about being in service toward the other person and less about ourselves. It became more about what we could do for the other person to lighten their load for the month. It turned into: have a night to yourself, family outing someplace new, bike ride together, or play cards tonight. The lists became less about us and more about building up our family and our relationship!
Nothing happens if you don’t fully complete the other’s list. There is no love lost and no hard feelings. You just try again the next month! The lists are just a reminder that we aren’t alone in this life journey. My daughter calls them our “love lists” as she makes a mushy face at us. I hope someday she finds someone to write lists with.
I challenge you to try it! Ask your spouse or partner to write down five things you could do that would help lighten the load! Love is in the lists!
