Your son is finally, FINALLY potty trained! Your little girl took her first step! That family vacay went off without a hitch and the kids had so much fun! To social media, we go!
In today’s generation, social media is the (digital) open book of life’s highlights. “Sharenting” is the act of posting pictures and sharing information (usually only the highs rather than lows) about your kids in an online presence. It’s the parenting “humble brag” on a digital stage, if you would.
The degree to which you share about your children on social media is a personal one. Some parents are all for their child going viral. Some post only what they’ve carefully curated. Others keep online images of their children to a minimum. Maybe where you fall is a blurred line combining two or all of those measures. My struggle with social media is an ongoing one. I’m constantly going over what I’m OK with sharing, how much is too much, and why I share at all.
I find myself often curbing my desire to post. Funny thing is, to many people, I probably share too much about my kids for their liking. But believe me, I know many who share on the daily. I post about my kids on Facebook because it’s the easy way for me to share moments and updates with family and friends, most of whom live far away from us. These posts are mostly positive status updates (I’ll get to why later), so I can see how they could come across braggy. The other reason I post is because I’ve found a community among mom friends. It can be a lifeline to post about my kids and feel supported, get advice, or be reassured about the normalcy of their development. I love being home with my kids all day, but it can also be lonely sometimes, as far as the lack of adult interaction. (Let’s be honest, playdates don’t really count because everyone’s multitasking and making sure the kids don’t get into too much trouble. But I’ll take all the Moms Night Outs I can get!) Posting pictures or sharing stories on social media can be a way to engage in adult interaction, even if virtually.
Sharing is in our nature as human beings. We want to share meals with others, tell them our stories, give insight to who we are through information. We want to connect. And as parents, that desire starts early. You’ve seen the “Hello World” onesies. I’ve thought about the irony behind that phrase as we post them on our babies, before we post them to the world on social media. According to a 2010 study by an internet security firm, 92% of children in the U.S. have a digital footprint by the age of 2. It’s troubling to think, if we’re not mindful of the content we put out there about our children, many risks can ensue. Dr. Kristy Goodwin, author of “Raising Your Child in a Digital World”, wrote, “Some of the main concerns relate to identity theft (privacy risks), digital harvesting of kids’ images on predator sites (cyber-safety risks), sharing personal information about your child that should remain private (psych-osocial risks), and revealing embarrassing information that may be misappropriated by others (psychological risks).”
As many of us continue to find our happy medium with how much and what to post, consider these things first.
Privacy, Privacy, Privacy
Don’t share personal information. This seems like a given, but I can’t even tell you how often I see moms sharing the school their child attends and who their teacher is. Addresses also fall under this. There are so many photo editing apps out there; it really doesn’t take much to scribble out your house number.
Consider making closed groups for family/close friends and only sharing your kids’ photos and updates there. Or maybe create a private message thread among immediate family members who want all the baby spam. It wouldn’t hurt to also up your privacy settings on your profile and the audience that sees your posts. On Facebook, posts about my kids are limited to select audiences, and I’m only friends with people I actually know. It’s also a good idea to regularly comb through your friends list and delete people who are practically strangers since you can’t remember the last time you talked.
What happens in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom.
Pictures on the potty or naked in the bath are probably best kept private. At the very least, be sure private parts are covered. Again, a given, but you’d be surprised. What is cute now may not be cute when your kid is a teenager. Anything you put out in the digital world can be cached, archived, or stored in the the ever-illusive Cloud. Misuse is always a very possible reality. It’s so easy for photos to be used for unintended purposes by simply downloading and manipulating them.
Embarrassing Throwback Thursdays
Don’t post something that will embarrass your kids one day. I try to think about how they’d feel to see/read my posts when they’re older. I never want to make them feel like something is “wrong” with them or that they have something to be ashamed of about who they are. My son has terrible eczema. I make it a point to never post pics of the flare-ups on his skin. He is also a very cautious boy. While that has it’s challenges, I truly love that about him. When I talk about his cautiousness, I like to talk about his little victories in being brave or how it’s a strength that allows him to very observant.
Group Pics
Again, sharing kids’ photos is a personal decision that varies by parent. Don’t make that decision for others by posting a group photo without consent from parents of the other children, or block out their faces. I try to make it a point to always ask friends before posting their kids.
Permission to Post
If your child is old enough, ask what they think about pictures you want to post. There’s no doubting children can be verrryyy opinionated. They know what they like and dislike, what they’re comfortable and not comfortable with. If it’s about them, they have a right to an opinion on what they would like to show and tell.
Long-Term Consequences
How will the content you share affect your child’s image, future career opportunities, and relationships with others? Remember, the Cloud. You don’t want your son/daughter having to deal with long-term consequences of your one-time post.
Whether you’re a daily Facebook-er or an occasional Timeline-surfer, this post is not intended to judge or measure any parent’s decisions about posting their child online. And to be clear, I love social media. (Facebook just informed me the other day that it’s my 14th year anniversary on the network.)
Might I just suggest we all pause before we post. Like I stated, this topic is one I debate internally at times. Full disclosure, my Facebook security and privacy settings are pretty tight, but my kids do some modeling which mean there are public photos of them. Thankfully, the brands we work with let me select their photos. I think the most important thing to consider should always be safety over their shareability. As moms, we should do what we can to make sure the content we contribute to our children’s digital footprint won’t negatively affect their future.
Now that I’ve shared my stance, I’d love to hear yours! Do you post about your kids on social media?
