Happy Mother’s Day! I’m sorry.
Bear with me.
As you’re reading this, I’m luckily spending today in Connecticut, after flying out from KC yesterday with my son to surprise my mom this weekend. Her birthday is today as well.
While we celebrate Mother’s Day here with my family, I recognize this day is so many things for so many people: joy, love, sadness, memories, bittersweetness, reflection, and more. For me, it’s also a day to eat some humble pie and say this to my fellow moms and caregivers: I’m sorry.
For most of my parenting life (six years) I have unfairly judged other parents. It’s not me judging their parenting styles, it’s the jealous judging. I see fellow moms and caregivers with nicer houses than I have, access to better resources for their kids, more money available to prepare for their kids’ futures. All of that kind of stuff. That jealousy makes me assume things about people — including that they don’t know what hardship is like.
That is complete bull and I’m publicly calling myself out for it. I’m sorry for so many things.
I’m sorry for mocking your relationship with your partner and not really listening when you need someone to bend an ear because I think you couldn’t possibly know about a difficult relationship. The truth is I see the loving relationship you have and forget that just because it’s healthy, doesn’t mean that every couple isn’t working at it. My job as your friend is to listen and support you.
I’m sorry for judging moms and caregivers who live in the suburbs. It’s true that I love my urban core neighborhood and the urban school district my son attends, but I spend too much time rolling my eyes at “the ‘burbs.” We all make decisions for our families, and we try to make the best ones possible. Some families choose to live in small towns, some in suburban neighborhoods, and some in dense cities. None is better or worse then the other.
I’m sorry for yelling at my fellow mom friends who tell me things I don’t always want to hear, but what they’re telling me is usually tough love and constructive, loving advice. I do this way too often because the truth hurts. In reality, it’s a gift to have this group of strong and amazing women in our corner.
The bottom line is that I’m sorry for letting my jealousy run free and for assuming things about you. Deciding who you are, your values, what kind of parent you are, and letting my insecurity and ego mix with jealousy for that very toxic cocktail that we call judgment.
I see you. I see you loving on your kids, advocating for them, teaching them the tough lessons, making them laugh, splurging here and there, and showing them what it means to be a good friend and a good person. The truth is I see you offering so many pearls of wisdom to me that I didn’t even know I needed to see or hear.
So on this Mother’s Day, I want to say I’m sorry. But most importantly I want to say thank you for being in my circle and helping me understand how to be a good parent…and hopefully a better person.
